Saturday, November 29, 2008

Friday fave five ... a day late.

1. Hubby. He ... gets overwhelmed with my family. But he went to The Architect's house last night for dinner with the kids and me. It was a great visit. Mojo did really well while we were there. He did not do so well at the in-laws' on Thursday, so hubby was very worried about how he'd be, not to mention his own bipolar trigger of my family. (hey, his family can trigger a crash, too). Anyway. He went, voluntarily, and we had fun. He suggested we try to get to my folks' for Chirstmas, but it's just impossible with the nursling and the timing... and I'm so grateful he suggested it. He is starting to realize how much I miss them and that he needs to be supportive and go with me to visit them. Life is better. lol

2. Thanksgiving food. Not just the yumm-o turkey and stuff I made (my own comfort foods from my childhood), but the Tongan stuff was delish. And MIL cooked some Tongan comfort food, which hubby rather enjoyed, and they sent us home with a bunch, so he's in heaven.

3. Spending time with family, mine and his. I know I said I'm glad I don't live with my in-laws, but I am glad for the time I do get to see them, especially my YSIL. She and kiddo get along great and kiddo adores her. Loved spending time with The Architect, his wifey-poo, and their kidlets, too. Looking forward to seeing DisGrace and Dizzy (and whoever else is around) when they get home from my folks house or next week or whenever soon. And when my folks come back to visit in a couple of months.

4. Rain. Not snow. Rain.

5. Naps. Naps are good. Warm soft blankets, cuddly pillows, warm baby ... Better go snuggle him and sneak one in while I can.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

On Thanksgiving, I usually get mushy and talk about how awesome my husband is (even though we have issues and he has more of them, he's still awesome) and how thankful I am for him, how great my kids are, how wonderful my family is, church stuff, etc., and while that's all true, I'm going to say just one un-mushy thing instead:

I'm so thankful we don't live with my in-laws. Truly, truly thankful. I love them, but yeah ... Gratitude abounds.

EDIT: Hahahaha. wow, that was backhanded at my dearest. Hm. Guess I'll be mushy.

Issues: He is bipolar. I have depression. We have debt. That is just about all our issues, everything else is just part of those things or triggers the bipolar.

Awesomeness: He lets me sleep in, in the bed, with the baby, even when he's tired when he gets home from work in the morning. He'll go sleep in another room since he can't sleep with bambino in the bed. He works mad hours so I can work part time and be with the kids. He cleaned the toilets without telling me a couple of weeks ago. I noticed immediately and he acted all innocent. "what are you talking about?" lol. He let me use his "blow" money on PEPSI for ME last week. He holds me when I cry, even though he can't stand the tears. He loves my kids and treats my daughter like his own, to the point people have asked how the two of us got such a fair child. lol. He doesn't get after me when I don't cook, just says it's okay and goes on his way. He eats the food I cook now. We have learned to compromise on some stuff. He's trying to be more active in church and do family scriptures and stuff. Things aren't perfect, but I'm happy. :)

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

punkin' pie!!!

the dairy-free pies turned out rather well. i couldn't wait until tomorrow, so we all just had some. hubby didn't know it was tofu, so while it wasn't quite as smooth as normal, it is a success. yumm-o! I did add 1/2 c sugar to the recipe (which i had doubled to make 2 pies), and that was just about perfect. squeeee!

um, yeah, going with the sweet potato casserole

I made one of the previously mentioned and linked sweet potato balls. I am a fan of coconut and sweet potatoes and marshmallows, so I thought I'd love them. I was wrong. They're okay, but I'm glad I only made one.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

What's on YOUR Menu?

DisGrace went to visit the folks with her fam for Turkey Day. I miss them and I miss my folks (I'll be honest, mom mostly), and had decided I didn't want to go to my in-laws after all the drama with my SIL and YSIL and MIL ... *sigh* Hubby convinced me otherwise.

We are making the dinner and taking it over there.

Except the turkey -- he's going to take it over tomorrow (I think) and have them cook it in our new roaster (which I bought today so I could have the oven for everything else. Like pie.)

EF inspired me to list the dishes we'll have, so, aside from the turkey, unless something is going to be purchased pre-made (like the rolls), it's being made by me.

*turkey. want to brine it, but i'm not in charge.
*mashed red potatoes w/gravy
*stuffing (I'm attempting this for the first time; dressing is easier; i'm doing both)
*sweet potatoes (either changing up my normal casserole to be dairy free or sweet potato balls, not sure which. might make some balls tomorrow to see how I like them before I decide ...)
*pumpkin pies (I found a dairy free recipe; I'll make two dairy free and four regular)
*Green beans and veggies of some sort (again, dairy free, so no green bean casserole either)

I'm half hoping MIL decides not to cook/buy traditional Turkey fare and instead makes something Tongan. But she's been weird about food lately, so we'll see what happens.

ETA: Oh, yeah ... forgot the cranberry relish. I'm taking it anyway, even though hubby looked at it weird the first time I tried to take it over there. Yum.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Going to Step on Toes -- Enter Soapbox

I was at the doctor a couple of weeks ago (for an eye infection; it's gone now) and ran into my neighbor/friend/ward member. She and I really get along well, and she has been a great support during some rather difficult times. She's a single mom and her ex treated her rather like my ex did. So we got to talking about how things were going for her, and she mentioned that her ex has roommates, and had recently rented a room to a gay man! She was horrified because he hadn't told her before she dropped off her son for his weekend visit with dad, and she doesn't want her son "in that kind of environment."

Honestly, I was shocked. She has been so open and accepting of the mental health issues we have in our marriage and has talked me through some things, and she's just such a loving person, I couldn't imagine that sort of attitude from her.

Gay marriage, prop 8, and the church's stance notwithstanding, the brehren have never said "being gay is synonymous with being a predator/pedophile." In fact, the brethren have stated from the pulpit many times that gays are our brothers and sisters and we should treat them with kindness and love. Of course, this same friend was shocked beyond belief that sex was being discussed amongst 3rd and 4th graders at our elementary school and that there were pregnant 6th graders last year, but hadn't heard anything until *I* brought it up.

I'm not saying that it doesn't bring up sticky issues and hard topics of discussion with your children, but oh my stars, you have to have those conversations *anyway*. You have to teach them *anyway*. You have to be open with them *anyway*.

We had gay neighbors a few moves ago. They were some of the sweetest people I met in that area. One of my friends from my teen years is/was gay (and a cross dresser, although the last time I saw him, he was dressed as a man in a business suit and had lost the fake fingernails and eyelashes). He is also a lovely person and I rather miss his open, loving kindness as we lost touch long ago. I'm sure there are rotten gays, but there are also rotten straights, and you have to teach your kids correct principles of behavior in all aspects, not just what we believe to be right as far as sexual orientation is concerned.

I guess what I'm saying is that loving the sinner and hating the sin is far from where a lot of church members are these days where gays are concerned, even if that's where the Savior taught us to be about everyone. I have had to take a step back and go, "okay, she's still my friend," even if that attitude is there. So I'm guilty too, but in the opposite extreme.

My sweet baby just woke up, guess I'm done for now.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

How I spent Saturday morning

"Mom, I don't feel good."

"I'm sorry; don't come in here and don't breathe on me or the baby."

"Mom, I really don't feel good."

Thud, thud, thud, as she ran to the bathroom. *hurl*


Guess how I spent Saturday night? Screaming baby, upset tummy.


p.s. if your screen name is the same as your real name, I will use it in posts. :P

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Rockelle asked ...

"Hey is there a reason your are calling her kiddo and not her name?"

Because I'm a paranoid freak. lol.

I don't mention any of my kids' names on blogs or forums at all.

Seriously, even though this blog is fairly private, the situations with my ex and hubby's ex and our older two children make it so I'm more comfy not to name any of us by our real names. That and we teach our kids internet safety -- don't tell anyone your real name, how old you are, where you live, what school you go to, etc. I figured I'd better practice what I preach.

I will occasionally post pictures, but keep the locations, names, etc., alllll under wraps.

So now you know.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Good stuff.

I need it. I found it. I took it.

I feel better.

That is all.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Answers

And ... happy 4-month birthday Mojo!!!

1. How old am I? 32

2. Where did we meet? Dawn was technically right about where we met. :P

3. Take a stab at my middle name. Fatoush. Yep.

4. Color of my eyes? blue-green (they change, technically I guess they're hazel)

5. Do I have any siblings? Yep

6. If so, how many? What are their names? Ages? -- I have 5 sibs: DisGrace (40), Mamabear (38), Military Man (36), Architect (32, er, 34 I mean), and Little Brother (30).

7. What's one of my favorite things to do? Not sew diapers, but I do like sewing. I like blogging, crocheting, quilting, kissing my husband, terrorizing my children ... (and yes, the latter two do sometimes go hand in hand, lol)

8. What's my favorite type of music? Me playing the piano. Too bad I don't have one.

9. Am I shy or outgoing? Depends on the day.

10. Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? Dawn was also correct -- it depends on the rules.

11. Any special talents? I am a classically trained musician and play lotsa different instruments. Plus I sing. I can type well. And I am a decent cook -- those PB bars are pretty good ...

12. Do I have children? Yep.

13. If so, how many? What are their code names? Ages? Three. Dawn was right: Small Fry (12), Kiddo/Kidlet/Munchkin (9), and Mojo (4 months).

14. Do I have pets? Absolutely not.

15. If you and I were stranded on a deserted island, what is one thing that I would bring? Eyebrow pencil so I don't scare you.

I have three wishes for Christmas (birthday, Mother's Day, whenever we can afford them). If you know or can guess what they are, bonus points!
1. A piano.
2. A new wedding ring (mine no longer fits) and/or mother's ring.
3. A Bosch mixer.

Monday, November 17, 2008

I found my wallet.

I bet most of you didn't even know it was lost. lol. I haven't been able to find it all day, had prayed several times to locate it, and (like other times I've lost something and couldn't find it) decided to just wait it out and the Lord would help me find it when I calmed down.

Kiddo and I were looking for it earlier today, and she said, "Mom, have you prayed to find it?" "yep." "Well, let's say another prayer."

I asked her if she'd had any inspiration later on and she said no, that she'd watched me look where she had thought of.

It was in my room, which is where I thought it was, under a laundry basket which I'd moved before but hadn't seen the darn thing. lol.

So when I found it, I went in and woke her up and told her, then I thanked my Heavenly Father for helping me find it. She's not perfect and she does make me fairly crazy sometimes, but she's a good kid and knows Heavenly Father will answer her prayers.

Case in point: She had a play date with her BFF last week. They were playing pirates in the playhouse, and got stuck. The door would not open and was starting to get dark outside, so they were starting to get scared. Kiddo said, "[bff] maybe we should say a prayer." So these two little girls knelt in the play house and prayed to Heavenly Father that they'd be able to open the door and get back in the big house and be safe. Immediately after saying Amen, they were able to open the door, and they then said a "thank you" prayer to Heavenly Father for helping them get out.


I sure love that kid.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Brilliant Moves

There are times as a parent you are just the opposite of Brilliant. Commenting on Katie's blog tonight, I remembered one of those times.

When Monsters, Inc. first came out, Kiddo was a toddler. My folks and I took her to see it. She loved the movie, had a blast watching it. And then we went home. She had a nightmare that Randall (the villian, in case you haven't seen it) was in her closet. I found some "monster killing spray" (water in a spray bottle) and sprayed the closet to chase monsters away. I also had to spray under the bed and everywhere else in her room, my room, the bathroom, the halls ... she drew pictures of Randall (as best she could) and said he was in her closet nearly every night.

It continued for months.

Not kidding.

The "monster" stories stopped.

Then she asked for it for Christmas.


I am a sucker.

I bought it.


More spray.

She outgrew it eventually. We still have the video, but I think I'm going to hide or sell it before Mojo gets to that age ...

Another brilliant move I made was when she was about 3 and kept shrieking at me "MOMMY!" all the time, several hundred times a day. I finally lost it and yelled back. "I'm not mommy anymore! I'm changing my name to JOE!" She cried hysterically until I apologized and cuddled her and apologized some more. Oddly enough, later on one of my good guy friends I met on a singles website (when I was still single) was named Joe, and he is still one of her favorites.

Let's think. I know I made a brilliant move recently. Something about ... OH, yeah. Daddy grounded her from movies, TV, videos, everything because she hasn't been doing her homework. I accidentally let her watch a movie with me yesterday. She is still grounded. *sheepish look*

It's kind of pointless to nag your kid to put her laundry away when *yours* is still in the clean clothes basket. Or clean her room when you can't see the floor in yours. Or clear the table from her breakfast/lunch/dinner when there's nowhere to put the dirty dishes in the kitchen. Thankfully, going part time has freed up my actual time during the day as well as brain power and emotional strength, so I've been able to do a few things around the house the last couple days. Woohoo!

Anyway. She's turning out okay, although she has a few funny quirks. You could call them twitches maybe ... I guess reminding myself of the wise things I've done and still do with her made me excited to warp Mojo as well. Just not with monsters.

Friday Fave Five

1. My sister just applied for the company I work for. A friend just started working there. I love my job anyway, but can you say "referral bonus"?

2. My new computer. It has a webcam (and microphone) built in. So, I took a late-night pic of Mr. Mojo and me. lol

3. Being a part-time employee and a full time wife and mom again. My house might actually get clean again, too.

4. Naps with my baby.

5. The new WoW expansion. I bought the collector's edition for hubby, but he gave me the code for the new pet because I love having little creatures follow me around. At least in-game. lol. And with the built in computer mic, I can get on and actually participate with hubby's brother and friends and their wives (those who have them) instead of feeling like an outcast. Wooo.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Pieces of naught

I heart Dawn. She made this even funnier.

8 TV Shows I Hate to Watch or have Hated to Watch
1. Walker, Texas Ranger - sorry Chuck, but WTH??? (amen, although it's my parents' favorite show)
2. Pokemon (gah ... agreed)
3. Donahue
4. Jerry Springer
5. Survivor
6. The Bachelor
7. Desperate Housewives
8. Doc (Billy Ray is much better in Hannah Montana. Which isn't saying much.)

8 Things that DIDN'T Happen Yesterday
1. I ate cheese
2. Cleaned the whole house top to bottom
3. Mojo got potty trained
4. Kidlet cleaned her room
5. I cleaned the car
6. Small Fry called
7. I worked 8 hours
8. I had my boobs to myself

8 Least Favorite Places to Eat
1. Carl's Jr.*
2. Chili's
3. Elementary school cafeterias (ugh, amen)
4. Outback Steakhouse*
5. Sonic (although I heart their slushies and drinks for 1/2 price)
6. The Chinese buffet (sorry honey)
7. Chuck-a-Rama. (if I have to go to a buffet, I'd rather go to Golden Corral and eat 30 rolls, even though I'm sure they have some milk in them).
8. Los Hermanos. Because I can't eat cheese or milk or dairy, and I love their food. I'd rather not go anymore. *sniff*

*Everything I have ever eaten at these two restaurants has made me incredibly ill.

8 Things I Am NOT Looking Forward To
1. My first postpartum AF
2. My MIL/FIL needing caregivers because it will probably be us, and with them comes YBIL who is schizophrenic
3. Cleaning off the stove. *shudder*
4. Hubby's next crash (probably next week ...)
5. Kiddo's first AF
6. My next pregnancy (I just want the baby, not the hurty/tired parts)
7. My first colonoscopy/mammogram/next Pap/other preventative testing
8. The bad stuff *before* the Second Coming

8 Things NOT on My Wish List
1. A hangover (or what precedes such an event)
2. Pets
3. Depends (SO true)
4. Dentures
5. Small Fry's mom to call me
6. YSIL to get back with FOB. *shudder*
7. To ever see my ex again
8. Mojo to wake up as soon as I decide to have a nap (which I'd better do since he's still sleeping)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Pieces of Eight (survey day apparently folks)

8 TV Shows I Love to Watch
Since I don't watch TV much ... how about ... TV shows I *have* loved watching, whether they're on the air or not anymore?
1. Alias
2. Ace of Cakes
3. Trading Spaces
4. What not to wear
5. Mork and Mindy
6. Wizards of Waverley Place
7. Charmed
8. Friends (yep, used to watch it all the time)

8 Things that Happened Yesterday
1. Drama with the in-laws
2. Stayed up working way too late
3. Mojo took only 2 ounces of formula (which is awesome; he'd taken 8 Sunday and is totally constipated, lol)
4. Napped with the baby
5. Nursed the baby in front of my MIL, SIL, niece, and nephew without a blanket (!) since he was overheated. SIL is awesome -- she made FIL and BILs leave the room before I even tried, rather than make me go in a different room like MIL usually makes me.
6. It rained
7. I talked to HethaB for a minute or two
8. Argued with MIL about whether Mojo is ready for solids. I am annoyed.

8 Favorite Places to Eat
1. Happy Sumo (delish sushi)
2. Panda Express (Chinese ... yum)
3. Betos (oh, yum, hold the cheese and sour cream for me)
4. Bajio (chicken green chile salad)
5. T-Bone (Chinese/American in Springville)
6. Burger King (I know)
7. Sakura has yummy sushi too
8. My house (let me pat myself on the back and say I'm a good cook. And so is hubby when he chooses to be and kiddo is learning)

8 Things I Am Looking Forward To
1. The 2nd Coming (ditto)
2. Seeing DisGrace tomorrow
3. The Holidays
4. Mom and Dad coming again in Jan/Feb and then for a summer vacay
5. WoW's new expansion this weekend (hopefully Gamestop figures out what the heck they're doing and ship ours out tomorrow)
6. Having an emergency fund
7. Getting out of debt
8. Saving money

8 Things on My Wish List
1. A bubble bath (might have to schedule some time for hubby to watch bambino)
2. My home was clean and organized... (Amen -- although me being part time should help with that some at least)
3. That I could eat milk and dairy products without suffering for it later
4. That I had the motivation/energy/commitment/patience to lose 100 pounds. Today. lol.
5. Another baby. In a couple years.
6. That I hadn't just given myself a heart attack thinking I'm missing money in my bank account.
7. For my loved ones and myself struggling with testimonies, health issues, or other things right now to have the peace and comfort we need.
8. A bigger bed.

8 People I Tag
Umm... you... eight. (yeah, me too. i don't know that i even have 8 readers though ...)

a survey i forgot to do

sorry steph. brain damage.

Five things... I've probably done it before too.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago ...
1- Starting my adventures as a single mom. (crap, that's a lie, I'd just gone off of the pill trying to get pregnant with kiddo. 9 years ago was the single mom gig)
2- Working at MarcLink, making library databases.
3- Driving a 2-door Nissan Sentra ... try getting infant seats in and out of THAT (driving the car, but not dealing with the baby seat yet)
4- Filling out divorce papers. (mm, no ... still lived in springville with two dogs, two cats, and a deadbeat ...)
5- Filling out credit counseling papers. (mm, no to this one, too ... we were about to be evicted from our apartment)

5 things on today's "to do" list...
1- Send an email to my boss about going part time (check! It's now official)
2- Schedule an appt for hubby for a med check (oops)
3- Let DisGrace know I'll have to be more flexible with time tomorrow (check)
4- Make VT appointments (oops)
5- Change the dishwasher and run it (check!)

5 snacks I enjoy...
1- Pretzels
2- Dairy free chocolate
3- Baby carrots
4- Almonds
5- Corn chips

5 things I would do if I were a millionaire...
1- Buy a new house (older and remodeled, not brand new)
2- Pay off all my debt including my car
3- Buy a minivan
4- Save/Invest
5- Hire a maid

5 places I have lived...
1- Provo
2- Richmond, VA
3- Hillsboro, OR
4- American Fork
5- Springville

5 jobs that I have had...
1- Service driver for a car dealership
2- Cashier for Fred Meyer and the car dealership
3- Data entry
4- Private tutor
5- Piano teacher

Rules: Each player answers the question themselves. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, Let the person that tagged you know when you've answered the questions on your blog.

Um, I tag ... Dawn, Bryner, and anyone else who hasn't been tagged this go-round


It's a twist on the typical survey.

IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!! lol. But it's filled out by YOU.

If you want to play, leave a comment that answers these questions about me, copy the below to your blog and put in your comment that you want me to go there and fill in the answers about you. Be honest. If you don't want me to answer these questions about you, you can still answer them for me if you want.

1. How old am I?

2. Where did we meet?

3. Take a stab at my middle name.

4. Color of my eyes?

5. Do I have any siblings?

6. If so, how many? What are their names? Ages?

7. What's one of my favorite things to do?

8. What's my favorite type of music?

9. Am I shy or outgoing?

10. Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules?

11. Any special talents?

12. Do I have children?

13. If so, how many? What are their code names? Ages?

14. Do I have pets?

15. If you and I were stranded on a deserted island, what is one thing that I would bring?

I have three wishes for Christmas (birthday, Mother's Day, whenever we can afford them). If you know or can guess what they are, bonus points!

I'll post the answers next week.

Monday, November 10, 2008


Who on earth leaves a pregnant woman in charge of two preschoolers all day long with no food in the house aside from sugar-coated cereals and cookies?

My mother-in-law, that's who.

Don't get me wrong. She and I have a great relationship and she made sure I had enough to eat the entire pregnancy with Mojo. She would give us money to go out to eat or send home food with us, and made sure she cooked every time we went over there.

Apparently, with her daughter being pregnant, it is a different story, because I got an email from SIL saying that OBIL had taken her car, FIL had the truck, and MIL had the van, so she was home with the kids (OSIL and her DH left their 2 kids with them all for the week while they play in Vegas) and hadn't been able to eat anything all day, and the KIDS had OD'd on SUGAR because that was all that was in the house. She was near tears.

Without hesitating, I packed up the dinner I'd made that was just finishing (chili mac), bread and lunch meat, some juice and cheese, plus the kids, and got down there in 15-20 minutes. MIL had arrived with more junk food, fried chicken, jello, pudding, potato salad, and actually seemed sort of offended that I'd come to SIL's rescue. SIL had eaten some of what MIL brought, but she was hungry and what she had eaten made her sick. So she ate some chili mac and so did the kids, kiddo and I ate with them, and MIL loaded us up with some of the stuff she'd brought home to take to hubby because she wanted OBIL, YBIL, and FIL to be able to eat what I'd made (but was upset that I brought it?????).

*scratching head*

Yeah, she makey no sensey at times. At any rate. I had made extras and no idea why. But for about $3.50, I fed 5 adults and 3 kids, at least part of their dinner. MIL spent way more than that on the not healthy stuff she'd bought. *sigh*

Hubby and I decided SIL needs to learn to be a mommy ... and how to feed a family on the cheap since she's gonna be single for the foreseeable future. And MIL can't teach her that or how to cook really, so he told me I could go part time so I could help her more. lol.

As I said, I do have a good relationship with MIL ... hubby says she'll take care of me and our kids before she takes care of him or her other children, which also makes no sense, but hey, whatever. That just leaves me room to teach SIL some stuff... ;)

Sunday, November 9, 2008


I took the kids to church today. Hubby ... is struggling for different reasons than I am. Good thing, right? lol

He has been told by managers who are not his managers that he can't work the hours he is. His manager told him they were fine. Frankly, we need him to work 50 hours a week to make our bills and get out of debt. Last night a different manager stuck his nose in it and hubby's is out of town. Bah. He's doing better on the lithium but hadn't increased his dose yet, so he came home all angry and sad and in pain. Part of the problem is that the ones telling him stuff that is different from his boss and generally treating him like a moron are LDS, and his boss who sicks his neck on the line for hubby all the time isn't. *sigh* So, he didn't come even though he'd wanted to.

But the kids and I made it. I took Mojo into an empty classroom near the chapel during sacrament meeting and nursed him with a blanket on. We could still hear the speakers, who were talking about conversion being a process rather than a one-time thing. He fell asleep within a couple of minutes. I handed him to kiddo, put on my wrap, and we went into the chapel.

After sacrament meeting was over (which we heard part pf the last speaker, the closing hymn, and the prayer), I got a few comments about ME having separation anxiety from the same sisters who told me i was huge throughout the pregnancy. i don't know if he sensed my agitation or what, but he woke up, and I think I managed 5 minutes in Sunday school and Relief Society each with Mr. Grumpy Pants. lol. When I took him to the mother's lounge later, he did his normal thing of screaming at me in there and refused to nurse. i should have found another empty classroom.

It's a darn good thing I had a good Friday night for my testimony or I may have decided never to return. lol

Friday, November 7, 2008

Friday Musings

I've been struggling a lot this week. With my faith, with the Prop 8 thing, with the neighbors and school kids and a few other issues ... like knowing the Church is true and what is right and unable to reconcile it with other beliefs and opinions I have as well.

I was praying tonight before and during work for some guidance because I'm hurting. I just don't know what's to come and I look at my 9-year-old and my 3-1/2-month-old and wonder what on earth is in store for them ... and I wonder how my 12-year-old is doing with all of this, living in California at the heart of the conflict, a baptized member of the Church but living with a nonmember mother in an anti-Mormon environment ... not having a great relationship with us mostly because of her and her mom's choices but also because of ours ... and I hurt. And if I can't get my heart and head and spirit to gel, my children are in danger because I can't teach them what's right if I'm messed up.

For some reason, I went to Youtube (after watching the funny video I posted earlier for the 10th time) and just started looking. This is the very first thing I found, and it holds all my answers. Not anything specific as far as the above issues, but President Eyring's words specifically hit me: I have been too casual in my worship, in my studies, and in my home.

I have to get back to it. I just do. Even if the baby screams the entire time we're there, even if I have a headache, even if my husband is too dead tired to go after working a 14-hour shift to provide for our family, even if my 9-year-old would sometimes rather play with her cousins than go to church ... Even if *I* am the one making sure we get there. Even if *I* am the one instigating family scripture study again. Even if *I* am the one doing FHE. Every day, week, night, whatever. I will do it. And we will be okay.

ETA: blast, that was the wrong video. lol. This is the right one.

and I don't know if my husband knows how much I'm struggling right now, but he has been really great the last few days especially ... he even cleaned the toilets. ;)

now *this* is cool

love me a little john williams and a cute guy with a nice voice ...

Wait a minute ... it's not him ... it's MOOSEBUTTER!!! Does anyone else remember that Singlesaints party in 2003???

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Good Times With the In-laws

So, my SIL who lives elsewhere told me she'd be in town this week and asked if we wanted to do something for hubby's birthday. No, but I planned on going over to see her, her hubby, and their kids anyway. And show off the baby.

We got down there and the kids wanted to jump on the trampoline. She sent her hubby out with the kids (both of theirs and my kiddo), and we sat inside chatting with little SIL (who is pregnant). I asked if they cared if I nursed the baby in there since I was tired of having to leave the room every time I needed to feed him over there, and my FIL, MIL, and BIL were all gone. They didn't care, so I just fed him there. Then the kids and hubby came back in and upstairs. That was a tad weird since her kids kept asking where the baby went and tried to uncover him more than once, and that particular BIL has said maybe 2 words to me since I married into the family. Then FIL came home. "Don't come up, [Stewie] is feeding the baby!" lol. He went downstairs and hid instead. Mojo fell asleep and all was well, even with the kids being rowdy. FIL came upstairs to see everyone.

So the sisters kept debating what they wanted to do, decided to order sushi, and SIL sent hubby away to get McDonald's for the kids. While he was out, they finally figured out what they wanted on the menu (I'd chosen pretty quickly), called it in, and then she called him to tell him to pick it up. Then somehow the discussion got to breast feeding again -- out of deference to my FIL and MIL and DH, I do go in my in-laws' bedroom and shut the door when I'm there feeding the baby and they are home. FIL left the building when I tried feeding the baby at the clubhouse at kiddo's birthday party, so that let me know right there that things would not be as open as they always have been in my family. I always cover up unless I'm at my own home, don't just whip it out and stay hanging out, y'know? But I digress.

SIL said her husband figured out pretty quickly to just let her feed the baby wherever or she freaked out on him, so it didn't even phase him that I was nursing the baby in the living room when he came in. I thought that was cool. Told hubby later that since FIL and MIL and BIL were gone, I just fed him in the living room, but out of respect for his feelings and wishes and FIL and MIL, I'd continue going in the other room when they were all there. He understood. I might've forgotten to mention SIL's DH was there ... hahahaha.

There is something wrong with the electrical in their bathroom -- gave FIL the baby for a minute and tried to go in there and the light wouldn't go on, changed the bulb, still wouldn't go on, so SIL took in a lamp and that worked. But the other bulb in the fixture in there is broken ... bah. Maybe it's related to when BIL nearly burned down the house with a kitchen fire ... ahem.

At any rate. SIL's DH got lost going to the sushi place to pick up dinner, and the road it's on is a PITA to turn around on, so he took for-freaking-ever. When he got back, bambino was making such a fuss but refusing to nurse, so I just asked them to please pack up mine and hubby's and I'd have to leave. He apologized profusely for taking so long. BIL showed up and I asked him to hop online and tell hubby I'd be home soon (they chat on Skype while they game together), the sisters packed up the food, and I packed up the baby, and we left. Bambino calmed down almost as soon as he got in the car seat -- I think he knows he gets to go home if he gets in that thing. lol. He woke up as soon as we got home though and said hi to daddy before daddy went to work. he sure loves his daddy -- all smiles and happies to see him.

Sakura is the name of the sushi place. We liked it just fine, but we were both still hungry after finishing our rolls (the late hour might have had something to do with that), but it was yummy. I think we liked Happy Sumo more ... but Sakura was less expensive although still not cheap. *sigh* I never liked sushi before I hooked up with hubby. And now I wish we could afford it more often. lol.

Anyway. This was a huge mess of rambling. It was fun but I'm tired and I'm supposed to be working but can't focus for more than 30 seconds. ack. byeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Pumpkin Butter

Someone on a message board I frequent recently mentioned pumpkin butter. I was intrigued. I've heard of apple butter but never actually *had* it. But pumpkin butter was a new concept to me.

I went digging for a recipe and finally made some last night.


I crave pumpkin pie around this time of year. Pumpkin ice cream too. But now that I'm having issues digesting milk products, neither of those is something I'm willing to eat (I'd rather not be sick for days or have an even pukier baby, tyvm).

I put some on some cornbread (which I made with goat milk) this morning. It really is like having pumpkin pie for breakfast ... Yummo.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


Kiddo came home from school today, sort of upset because of what the kids at school were saying about Barack Obama. Now, I know they were just repeating what their (mainly conservative/Republican) parents said about him, but this bothered me immensely. "They said Obama is going to bring the war here! And that he's going to brainwash all of us!" *sigh* I know there was more, but she didn't get into all of it.

I told her that their parents were upset he'd won because most Mormons/LDS are Republican/conservative because of a few key issues that Democrats typically support that Mormons do not, and that she's still okay for seeing things differently than they do. We talked about gay marriage (I support civil unions which protect gays' legal rights, but not marriage) and why those legal rights should be protected, and why the Church doesn't support marriage. And we talked about bringing the troops home makes some people believe the war will come to our turf. And a few other rough questions.

I know the "brainwash" comment has to do with Obama being a moving, inspiring speaker -- I've heard a few things about "brainwashing" before. Which is why I appreciated the post I linked below from Sue. She said everything I wanted to say but didn't know how.

Regardless of who and what you vote for, being disrespectful in how you discuss those issues will never teach our children how to treat others the Lord's way. It is really bothering me that other members of our faith are saying such horrible things to kiddo about Obama, and also about people who voted for him. I know their parents are probably spouting off at home about this, and that really bothers me. What happened to Gospel teachings of loving your neighbor? The Savior never said to only love those who agree with you.

After the discussion, kiddo told me that she'd told them all that they can still be friends, even though her candidate won and theirs lost, because everything was going to be okay. lol.

Anyway. I just have to say, I am not brain washed. I am not brain washing my child, unless teaching her from Gospel principles counts as brain washing. I teach her the Gospel, which I believe also teaches to love your fellow man, even if they don't believe the same way you do. I have had to answer questions from her about sex, teen pregnancy, STDs, gays and lesbians, drinking, smoking, drugs, marriage in and out of the temple, and recently we've dealt with my SIL's pregnancy as well. I don't avoid the hard questions and, thus, she and I both know where the other stands on those things at this time. I teach her from the Gospel's standpoint in all of it, reminding her that just because someone chooses those things doesn't mean God hates them. They are still His children and He still loves them, even if they don't know it or regardless of whether they know they are sinning. We are all sinners -- some of us LDS members have our own "pet" sins as well, and any of them will keep us out of the Kingdom.

What's more is that my loving daughter teaches ME about love and forgiveness, and she recognizes when there's a problem with someone at school or at home, and she brings those things to me for answers. I bet I could sweep them under the rug like other parents do, but I refuse. She has to know the truth, and I give her truths as the Savior taught: Line upon line, precept upon precept. Am I perfect? Not by a long shot. But I love my child and want her to be able to make the best, informed decisions in her own life that she can. I know she may choose to do things that I don't agree with and that go against Gospel principles, but unless she is educated and informed of the consequences of those choices, I cannot feel I have done my job as a parent.

And if she wants to put Obama in office as president because he's black and he knows more about our economy than McCain, and McCain and Palin creep her out, more power to her. I know I said that wasn't enough just a few posts ago, but maybe it is.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


The end.


I know we're probably all getting sick of hearing it, but go VOTE if you haven't. If you don't, I don't wanna hear you complain that A) your guy is doing a crappy job, or B) the citizenry lost its collective mind and voted the wrong guy into whatever office.

And don't be like my 9-yo who voted for the candidate *I* voted for partly because I voted for him, and partly because the other one and his running mate "are creepy." Good enough for a 9-yo, not for someone old enough to vote.

I'm hoping for record voter turnout this year. :P

Oh, and happy Tuesday. I did fail to mention that DH's birthday was yesterday -- we took him to b'fast at IHOP and he got dinner he likes and presents (ordered) that he wanted. So he was sort of happy. *rolls eyes*


Monday, November 3, 2008

So, things are okay ...

I haven't really discussed this much at all, and don't think I mentioned it on the blog period. My DH's younger sister is pregnant and single ... and we'd all (her, us, the in-laws) discussed hubby and I adopting her baby for a month or so. We were looking for an attorney, as LDS Family Services doesn't handle in-family adoptions, and were trying to figure out how to pay for it and get out of debt and all the other stuff going on ... Plus how to get a mini van since the babies would be 9 months apart (except they moved up her due date, so really 8 months).

I found out on Saturday that she had decided to keep the baby but didn't want to offend me or hubby so hadn't told us. Hubby found out from his dad. I sent her an email yesterday, just letting her know it was fine and we were fine and she'll be okay, and that we just want to support her however she needs us to and told her we'd drop the adoption subject.

I didn't tell her I cried for about 20 minutes. Or that I told hubby I'd probably want to try for a pregnancy again sooner rather than later (lol). Or that I felt immense relief mingled with my sadness and excitement for her when he told me what was up.

Today while I was holding my sweet baby boy, while he cooed and gurgled and spit and screamed and spit up some more and smiled at me ... I knew everything would be okay, and when we do decide to have another baby, it'll be better for HIM too, and I can just enjoy his baby-hood for now, which I wanted to do initially.

I'm feeling much less stress, and I think hubby is too (except for the thought of me getting pregnant again. Ever.). We had initially decided not to tell kiddo that adoption was even on the table, but hubby told her a couple weeks ago, so I got to tell her today that she was just getting a cousin, not another sibling. She was fine with that.

Speaking of kiddo, I took her to the "This is the Place" monument in Salt Lake on Saturday. She has a county report due tomorrow and had to have pictures of stuff and a bunch of little things done for it. So we went up there and spent a couple hours, just her, me, and the baby. She said she had a blast and wants to go again. Just hearing she had fun with me (weird) made it worth the time and $ to go. I'm thinking we'll have to try and find some "field trip" to do every month, even if hubby can't go. I need to make an effort to get out more with my kids.

Bambino is doing really well, even if he fussed at me all day and stayed up extremely late tonight. He's thrown his clock off. That's something we'll have to work on again tomorrow. After I get hubby back to the doctor for another med check. And after I get out and vote. I dunno. I kind of feel like my vote might mean something this year ...