Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I'd rather ...

I'd rather ...
... be kept up half the night by my crying baby
... change a zillion wet diapers only to be followed immediately by the baby pooping in the brand-new clean diaper
... be able to nurse the baby and supplement with formula when we have to, no matter how much I hate doing the formula
... hold him in my arms 24/7, including trips to the bathroom, because he just can't bear to be away from mommy, and mommy can't bear to be away from him right now
... fight with my husband over stupid things
... hug my family and say a prayer for help with money, health, and emotional problems
... argue with kiddo about her chores
... owe the hospital a bunch of money for the delivery and baby's readmission
... struggle getting back to work because kiddo, baby, and hubby all need attention right now

I'd rather do all of this and have them here ... than not at all.


*****

I know I was pretty vague the other day about "bad news." We're all just in shock over what's going on, my sister-in-law more so than anyone. My brother and his wife are going to have their baby today, give him a name and a blessing while he's still breathing, and bury him later in the week. His heart weakened so much this last week, he's not going to live much longer in or out of the womb, so this is what they decided to do, and I don't blame them at all. They had a miscarriage earlier this year, so this is the second child they've lost in just a few months.

Hubby said it's going to be really hard to say hi, only to say goodbye. He's been sleeping ever since that conversation, during which I had an epiphany: If I were still pregnant while all of this is going on with their baby, I would be a complete and total basket case (and so would hubby). I think Mojo decided to be born early so we'd have him here and he'd be okay by the time all of this came about.

Like I said. I'd rather be struggling with everything we're dealing with ... than not.

3 comments:

steph k said...

*hugs*

Katz said...

Oh, that just breaks my heart. Blessings to your whole family.

oh just ehu. said...

Aw Stewie, that hurts my heart. I'll definitely keep your family in my prayers.

I hope this doesn't sound heartless (if so, I apologize immensely), but if there's anything good that comes out from all of this, I think it would be a stronger testimony of Eternal families and temple blessings.

I really liked your "I rather..." portion.