Friday, June 13, 2008

The Fave Five, plus Sense and Sensitivity, a.k.a., Happy Father's Day

1. Cherries. Again with the juicy goodness. hehehe. I've eaten pounds of them this week ... lol

2. Friends coming to the rescue. Seriously, when you have friends who bring you cookies and books and food, life doesn't get much better.

3. Family coming to the rescue. Same thing. I've been fairly spoiled.

4. SCULPTEY!!! Okay, kiddo LOVES crafting. LOVES it. She makes ginormous messes and wants to create things but doesn't have the correct materials or the learned skills to do things with. So this summer, she's tried crochet (horribly frustrating to her), counted cross stitch (horribly frustrating to me since she keeps putting knots in the floss), and finally ... sculptey. Bought the kind that you create and bake, and then it's still bendy and you can play with it! She loves it. I'm going to have to either send hubby for more or try and get to the craft store on my day off or something. Sorry the picture is sideways. This is Pigwidgeon from Harry Potter. She made him yesterday. I have to glue his head back on though. lol

5. Paying off bills and catching up on tithing. Somehow we got behind on tithing, but it'll be caught up Sunday. And I paid off 3 credit cards this month ... only to realize I forgot to pay two other ginormous bills. I did catch one up, and will get the other soon. Wheeeeeeeeeee. Love being brain dead.


And because I'm not sure I'll be on at all this weekend ... some deep thoughts. We'll be taking peach cobbler to FIL for Father's Day, and hubby's computer components (to his tower which still isn't working *sigh*) are his Father's Day gift. So ...

Happy Father's Day to all you bio-dads and step dads and foster dads and granddads ... not that any of you read my blog, but whatever. I've just been thinking about some stuff, and the daddies who take care of kids, whether theirs biologically or not, are on my gratitude list.

When I was a kid, I only knew a couple of kids in homes with divorced parents. I didn't know the correct terminology to refer to their step-parents or bio-parents, and years later, I found out I'd really hurt someone by referring to her bio-father as her "real" dad, and her step-father as her "fake" dad. I was mortified I'd ever said such a thing.

Her step-father had been married to her mother for a long time. He helped raise her (and her siblings) and take care of her and was a father to her in all but the biological sense of the word. Her bio-father was involved in her life, too, so perhaps the more respectful term to use would have been "step-dad" in that case.

This was brought home to me again recently when someone referred to my ex-husband as kiddo's "real" dad. It hurt me a lot (and I did later talk to that person about it; everything is fine now). In our house, we refer to him as her biological father and recently she started calling him her "birth father." Which is a good term for him. My ex was there to make her and stayed for me to birth her, but he has never been involved in her life, nor has he ever paid child support. Her REAL dad is my sweet husband -- the man who loves her and provides for her and takes care of her and holds her when she's sad and disciplines her when she makes bad choices. The man who baptized and confirmed her and says a family prayer with us twice every day and tucks her in when I can't and listens to her prayers at night, too. The man who stayed through her not sleeping through the night for months after our wedding, being woken up two or three times between midnight and 3 a.m., which is when he had to get up to go to work. The man who has never once complained about her (or me) being a financial burden to him. My husband wants to adopt her, and we do need to look into that, but for all intents and purposes except biologically speaking, he is her REAL father.

These days, kiddo is definitely not the only child of divorced biological parents in her class. Some have been through 2 or 3 divorces. Kiddo's kindergarten class asked her repeatedly on the day we did her spotlight where her dad was. We didn't even know my husband yet, so she just kept telling them, "I don't have a dad." Well. Now she does.

So, to my childhood friend (who will probably never read this blog either), again, I am so sorry. I never knew how hurtful my words were to you until we grew up. And I hope in the future I can be more aware of the words I use so I don't hurt people like I did then or have since then when I'm being stupid.

3 comments:

oh just ehu. said...

I like how the Culligan water bottle looks like it belongs in a dollhouse.

oh just ehu. said...

Wow, thanks for the post. (I seem to say that w/ every post) But it really helped open my eyes, because I see myself refering to bio-fathers as "real dads". I hope not out of ignorance, but a childhood habit. I think I'll be more conscience of it.

stewbert said...

hehehe ... i noticed that about the bottle too -- i obviously didn't take the time to pick up my office before i took that picture. plus it's on the floor. and it's HARD to get things off the floor these days. :)

You're welcome. It may be better to ask how they refer to their parents -- bio or step -- which is what I intend to do in the future with other kids should it come up.