Wednesday, June 9, 2010

I'm having a baby in 2 days.

My house is a wreck. My family is making me crazy. I'm in pain all the time. I'm grouchy and mean to everyone and I don't like it. Baby girl is causing lots of drama, because she will NOT stay head down when the contractions start, no matter what, so her head is not doing its job of getting my body ready for birth. And she's shown some signs of distress during my last two nonstress tests, but she's recovered just fine so they let me go home both times. My sweet husband isn't being such a sweetie right now, and isn't being the support he thinks he is. I need someone to help fight for MY body and my rights, too, but he just wants me to have a C-section and be done with it. Easy to say when it's not your body being hacked open.

I think it's safe to say I'm feeling depressed right now.

I have an appointment in a little while with the OB who will be delivering on Friday, so I'm going to discuss the whole thing with him then -- the depression included. I'm trying really hard not to resent this little surprise miracle, but it's still happening and I'm afraid it will only get worse after she's born. Especially if I have to have a C-section.


SRA said...

You're in the prayers of a lot of good people. Love ya.

Wonder Woman said...

It's all so tough. I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do. I'll be praying for you.

steph k said...

my mama had two c-sections... I know it's not your first choice.. but before that, a lot of women and babies DIED because they couldn't get the baby out and there were problems. Heavenly Father has given us an amazing gift. I know it's not your first choice, but it will be ok if that's what happens. Maybe pray for that peace?

Jessica G. said...

Come here, I'll hold you...and bake you something that's allowed on your restricted diet. I feel your pain, sister. All three of my little ones have been by c-section because despite my exterior girth, internally, I was far too narrow. I was in labor for 24 hours with the first one before she started showing signs of stress and we had to take the next step. Poor girl had a ring on her head from where she was trying to fit!

And every time he says that c-sections are no big deal, punch him in the abs. 'Cuz that's what it feels like. For four weeks.

NG said...

C-section 3 timer here to say: don't fear the C so much. I know it's not the first choice and you should totally explain that to your doctors and do what's right for you and advocate for what you want and all that jazz. But if you do end up having to go that route, it's not nearly as bad as some think. I was actually up and around faster from each of mine than most of my natural birther counterparts.

Oh, also? If it were me, I'd tell your husband when his womb is capable of childbirth than he can make the decision as to how to deliver. Until then this is your dog and pony show. But then I am not a nice person. ;)