um ...

The Zofran was helping me not puke. I was feeling okay but tired, so I had a nap. And woke up to squeezy cramps ... and ... well ... I started bleeding.

If there was a baby, there is no longer.

I will talk to the doc's office Monday about the blood work and see if we can figure out what is going on with me.

At least I don't feel like I'm going to barf anymore.

I *heart* Zofran

Okay, so I don't know if it'll work this well all the time, but I just took 1/2 of a pill and ... 10 minutes later ... I'm human again!

All I can say is thank the Lord for hubby's insurance -- the retail price of 12 pills of generic Zofran is $484+ (at WALMART). Because of his insurance, my co-pay was $15.

I'd tried Phenergan earlier and it barely took the edge off the queasy feeling. This is so much better ... maybe I'll rest well tonight. Yay!

Update from the Dr.

My urine pregnancy test at their office was negative. At first, he suggested I wait a few more days, see if my period comes, and if not try again. I asked him to draw a quantitative beta hCG (the blood test). He agreed. He's also running a thyroid panel from the same draw. If I don't have my period and the hCG test comes back negative, they've asked me to come in again for another UA, which the nurse forgot to do before dumping my "sample," and I'm just an emotional mess so I didn't feel like staying for a few more minutes and giving another one. (by the time I got home i had to pee again).

He did give me an Rx for an antinausea medication so I can function. Hallelujah. I'm going to get it filled before/during/after the lunch thing with CC and cupcake. Wheeeee. :)

blog this, blog that

So, I've been reading other blogs lately, linked through my friends' blogs to people I don't know. It just hit me this morning after reading a couple of them that no matter how bad I have it, someone else is also going through other trials which are just as bad or worse than mine.

Honestly, I was having a pity party. Probably still am. I thought it was bad that I was going through what I've been going through: Being sick for months after recovering from open-heart surgery surgery, having interesting "discussions" with my family, my husband's bipolar disorder and anxiety issues, my stepdaughter being taken last summer, etc. etc. etc.

But reading some of the blogs I've found has led me to appreciate the good things about my life. I have the gospel, I have the Savior, I have a husband who loves me and who GETS me, I have an incredibly loving daughter and a beautiful stepdaughter, and we may get her for 6 weeks this summer (she's apparently in year-round school) ... y'know? Life is hard. But when I get into a pity party because I don't feel well or I'm tired or my chest hurts or my period is *still* late and the 8th pregnancy test in a row is negative and yet I'm nauseated and fatigued fairly constantly, I have to remind myself life isn't just hard for ME. It's hard for everyone. It just seems that the more "grown up" I get, the harder it is to recognize the good stuff of my life since there is so much trial, struggle, and heartache.

One of my favorite books is "The Princess Bride." The good parts version. The dude who edited it made it really readable. It skips all the boring stuff, the elaborate descriptions of the clothes and the hair and the food and the parties and the politics. It just gets to the real meat and bones of the story. It doesn't mean that it's all roses. It has chases, escapes, fighting, revenge, torture, true love ... It's the "good" stuff -- the real stuff.

I guess, for ME, I need to view the things that come up as the "good parts" version of life. Let go of the little details (whether I have fashionable clothes or not or if the house is more lived-in than spotless), focus on the real stuff (my family, friends, and the Gospel,) and just realize that after getting through this trial, I'll be a better me, and more able to face the next one. Because the sad truth of life is that there are always trials. Sometimes we think, if I can lose 10 pounds, I'll be happy. Or if I get married, I'll be happy. Or if I get pregnant and have a baby, I'll be happy. Heck, I need to lose 60-70 pounds and yet I want more babies, but I can still be happy. Right? But there's trials to getting through all those things, and trials after they happen, and bumps and potholes in the road of life that can stall us.

The amazing thing is that we aren't put on this earth by ourselves. We're given our family and friends and the Gospel, and we have those relationships to support us and encourage us through the rough spots. We have to learn to be happy with who we are and know where we're going, even through the bad times and the hard parts, and I'm discovering more and more that that is a lifelong process.

I feel like a dork when I comment on other people's blogs if I don't know them. But I love people. I love reading their blogs. My co-workers are all over the country and I've only ever met two of them -- it's almost like they're also bloggers since I'll probably never meet most of these people. But I love getting to know people and I feel for them through pain and trials, and some of their struggles bring me to tears, but I really love rejoicing with them during the good times. And really ... if I can be a shoulder for someone to cry on, or I have one more person to grow my circle of loved ones for me to cry on, then I shouldn't feel like a dork for reaching out to someone, whether they're a fellow blogger or a co-worker in another state.

Cheers, hugs, tears of empathy ...

Stewie.

My *real* birthday

So, my birthday is really April 24th. I posted something about it, but I don't think I ever followed up on what else happened ... Yeah, hubby gave me the DVDs early, but he'd planned to all along. Aside from his awesome gift, I did get a few other things.

*My sister bought me lunch at Red Robin, so not only did she buy me lunch, but she spent time with me, too.
*My mom bought me some typing gloves. She'd given one to me to try last year and I like them more than the ones I usually buy, but I couldn't find them around here, so she bought me four more. So excited.
*Mom and dad also sent me a check, with which I bought two new pairs of shoes (thank heaven for BOGO). My church shoes were pinching my feet and my flip flops have given me a callus where the strap rubs in a certain spot, so I needed new ones. In a bigger size. Ack.
*Grandpa usually sends me money, but he's been in the hospital.
*Hubby and I went to dinner at the Olive Garden the saturday following the birthday, and then saw a movie (kickin' it old school -- stoopid, lame, idiotic).

And hubby's boss felt bad that they made him work on my birthday, so they sent me a Walmart gift card, too, and essentially told him that he won't ever get fired. hahahahahaha.

I spent my birthday at home by myself cleaning, eating junk food, and watching many episodes of ALIAS. As I posted earlier, the house is still fairly clean, which is awesome since I *think* we're showing it tomorrow.

Man. I am not feeling all that hot so may be repeating myself.

So, today, I got a phone call from hubby. He fell down a flight of stairs at work and landed on a metal cart. Sprained his ankle, has some other bumps and bruises, but he's home in bed with his ankle on ice and being elevated. So far, he's being a good patient, but I don't expect that to last the day. He's home from work the rest of the week. This accident was classified as a "near miss" since they didn't have to take him to the hospital, or he probably would really have been fired. Oops. poor hubby.

It's a MIRACLE!

So, last Monday I celebrated my birthday with DisGrace. Tuesday was my actual birthday and since hubby's boss wouldn't let him have the day off but my boss did, I spent the day home alone, watching Alias, eating junk food (CPK pizza), and cleaning my house. It was good -- a pretty relaxing day, even though I cleaned for 4 or 5 hours. Hubby came home astounded so much had been done and on his 5-day weekend last weekend, he actually helped clean MORE instead of making more messes.

Guess what? It's still clean. I did some major bathroom work a couple weeks ago and now just run through the bathrooms with Clorox wipes and scrub the potty, shine the mirrors, and they're done. I'll do major work in them again later this month.

Not only is the main part of the house clean, but while kidlet was having her meltdown Sunday night, hubby made her clean her room AND her closet.

It's still clean, too.

We had surprise visitors last night and, while we had to move the clean laundry off the couch and kiddo had to pick up her stuff of the floor, I felt comfortable that the house was in pretty good shape. Not perfect, but decent. And I knew that some of our guests were going in her room and wasn't embarrassed in the least ... except for the state of the kitchen yesterday, but when you feel like you're going to puke if you even LOOK at dirty dishes, well, I'm not doing them. I did change the dishwasher and ran it this morning during a 10-minute period before I got nauseated.

So, just wandering through the house today (I'm trying to work but really spacey and don't feel great, but hey, mint gum is helping curb the nausea, so maybe i can save a few calories chewing that instead of eating 5 or 6 starlight mints every day), I'm just happy the house is pretty clean. And it's been a week. And while hubby was having his own crisis last night (about the surprise visitors; he hates when people just drop by), we also got the laundry put away. So Yay! Clean house! It's not perfect and needs a bit more help before I show it to anyone, but at least I am not freaking out anymore about the Pilot (Pile-it) Program we had going on. Pile-it here, Pile-it there, Pile-it in the closets ...

Yay! Another survey!

OO1. When's the last time you ran?
the other day ... we have a race to kiddo's bedroom every night when tucking her in to see who gets there first. it's usually just hubby and her racing. he usually lets her win.

OO2. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?
Yeah ...

OO3. What are you dreading right now?
Dreading?

OO4. Do you celebrate 4/20?
Never smoked pot.

OO5. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night?
Depends on the day.

O06. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would ya'll do?
Say hi and then slam the door in their face. Okay, so that's what HUBBY would WANT me to do (he hates it when anyone shows up unannounced; case in point: the EQ presidency showed up last night. He went to our room rather than deal). I'd probably let them in.

O07. Who last grabbed your a**?
hubby.

O08. Have you ever been on your school's track team?
nope.

O09. Do you own a pair of Converse?
nope.

O10. Did you copy and paste this survey?
no. I am an idiot.

O11. Do you eat raw cookie dough?
only if it's in ice cream

O12. Have you ever kicked a vending machine?
no.

O13. Don't you hate it when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over?
yes!

O14. Do you watch Trading Spaces?
used to. not so much anymore.

O15. How do you eat oreos?
i don't.

O16. Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone?
define "very long".

O17. Are you cocky?
probably.

O18. Could you live without a computer?
not for very long.

O19. Do you wear your shoes in the house?
rarely

O20. At what age did you find out that Santa wasn't real?
um ... I don't know. probably around 8 or 9.

O21. How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house?
2 home, 2 cell

O22. What do you do when you're sad?
cry? sleep? smash my head into the wall? or get really really pissed off.

O23. Who would you call first if you won the lottery?
my husband ...

O24. Last time you saw your best friend?
which one? i have several. but either way - TODAY! -- lol.

O25. Who or what sleeps with you?
hopefully my husband. and occasionally a teddy bear or stuffed animal.

026. Are you/have you ever been in love?
Yep.

027. Are you in high school?
emotionally sometimes. ;) -- hahahahahahaha

028. Is anyone on your bad side now?
Yes.

O29. What jewelry are you wearing?
actually, I just got up, so ... not so much jewelry.

O30. What's the first thing you do when you get online?
check the email.

O31. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?
nope

O32. How do most people spell your name?
They spell my first name without the H. They never attempt to spell my last name.

O33. Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes?
I've worn hubby's clothes, but only after we got married. Does that count?

O34. Where do you work?
In our third bedroom.

O35. What are you doing tomorrow?
same thing I do every day. Work.

O36. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson?
uh ... no clue, don't care much.

O37. Favorite name for a girl?
I'm assuming this is for a child I may have in the future since I have two already. Lily, but it's becoming quite popular.

O38. Favorite name for a boy?
Our first boy will be named after his father.

O39. Will you keep your last name when you get married?
I didn't.

O40. When was the last time you left your house?
Yesterday afternoon ... to pick up monkey.

O41. Do you return your cart?
Depends on how I'm feeling.

O42. Do you have a dishwasher?
yep.

O43. What noise do you hear?
Monkey singing in the shower.

O44. Would you survive in prison?
Yes. Just ask the girl at Panda. I am a "perra" but I'm not anyone's bitch.

O45. Who is the youngest in your family?
... My niece in Japan. Until J pops, and then it's her baby.

O46. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would be most likely to over pack?
cc or kami ...

O47. Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
YES! She's my sister (DisGrace)'s friend in SLC. I actually knew a girl at our rival high school with the same name, too, AND recently met a toddler with the same name. If you know my name (and I don't mean Stewie), you know how not normal that is.

O48. What's the last thing you purchased?
avocados, strawberries, bananas (for hubby), pesto, yogurt, whole wheat pasta, ice cream (which I TOTALLY forgot about until just now), spinach ... what's that? you don't want the whole list? fine. groceries ... NO, wait! I signed papers yesterday on our refi for the house, so I re-bought the house again. Does that count? they gave me Lehi Roller Mills baking mixes for it ...

O49. Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you?
DisGrace and I do for each other.

O50. What brand are your pants right now?
See #029. Not much clothes either.

O51. Ever been to Georgia?
I don't think so ...

O52. What irritates you most on the internet?
The stoopid stories people make up and other people forward that are designed to strike fear of EVERYTHING in our hearts. Has no one EVER heard of Snopes? I know they have; I tell them about it every time ... oy.

O53. What brand is your digital camera?
Fuji? Hubby bought it.

O54. Do you watch movies with your parents?
Can't recall the last time that happened ...

O55. What song best describes your life right now?
Broken Road. Rascal Flatts.

O56. Do you own expensive perfume/cologne?
Define expensive.

O57. Are you taking college classes right now?
No.

058. Do you like sushi?
not what i've tried, but i am taking hubby to a sushi restaurant where we will try many different kinds.

059. Do you get your hair cut every month?
No. I'm lucky to get it cut a few times a year.

060. Do you go online everyday?
... yes. if you knew my job, you'd know the answer to that question.