Return of the Bearded Lady

So, I love my epilator (torture device) but only mostly use it on my legs and underarms.

I'm just a hairy monkey in certain areas. My face is what is driving me crazy these days. I have a hairy chin anyway, ever since I had kiddo, but it's gotten worse with this pregnancy.

I am so getting electrolysis after this baby is born ... ugh.

Movement

Hubby had only felt the baby move the one time, but we were snuggling last night and I put his hand on my belly, and MoJo kicked lightly. I said, "Did you feel that?" and then MoJo slammed his foot into daddy's index finger -- hubby didn't even have time to answer me before MoJo made sure his daddy felt him. Hubby was so excited to feel him move again. It was so cute.

Hubby was being silly yesterday right after I got home from the doctor but made me cry. He said something like, "From here on out, I love you." He was laughing while he said it, but I was like, "So what have the last 2 years been?" *sniff* "You knocked me up before you loved me?" lol. geeze. He doesn't usually tease like that, was just in a weird mood. So a few minutes later, we were talking about nightmares and how he has this one where he's suffocating. I said, "I guess I should quit putting pillows on your face." lol. I guess I was still a tad irritated with him. *snort*

TMI Post -- OB appointment today

Had my OB appt. He says everything is fine, to keep monitoring contractions and baby movement, swimming is okay, sex is still not (but only for 2 more weeks since 50% of babies come home with their mommies at 34 weeks, lol), I'm still supposed to take it easy, and I'm now on 2-week appointments instead of monthly. Wooo.

Oh. And I'm measuring 2 weeks' big. I thought for sure it'd be more. lol

Selfishness

After my divorce a lot of my single friends asked me what causes divorce. A couple of friends of mine are now going through divorces, and ... Recently having written about bitterness, I figured this would be a good followup, especially after talking at length with one of them today.

Plain and simple, divorce always boils down to selfishness. Fights about sex and money and friends and claims of incompatibility and even affairs and abuse are really about one or both partners being selfish. There is no room for that sort of selfishness in any good relationship, let alone a marriage! Obviously, you do have to look out for yourself, too, but in the interest of the marriage, your spouse does need to come first, whether or not you are very religious or even believe in the Bible. That's what even secular marital vows mean -- you'll be together and work things through and put your relationship above every other relationship (aside from yours with God, if you're inclined to believe that way). And if you're LDS and married in the temple, those vows and breaking those vows are more serious on an eternal basis, and destroying a temple marriage will have longer lasting and farther reaching consequences than you can begin to imagine.

One of the couples is facing an extramarital "affair." He says he did not have sexual relations with that woman, but he still put the other woman ahead of his wife and *cheated* in an emotional manner, making her his confidant and best friend. Dangerous territory, my friends. He'd eventually fallen in "love" with this friend of his, so whether or not there was sex, he still was not faithful to his wife.

The whole friends of opposite gender thing is a HUGE deal for a lot of married couples. I have *one* guy friend I still keep in contact with, and even that is sporadic. But he and I never "dated" and neither of us ever thought of the other in a boyfriend/girlfriend way. I have one other guy friend who contacted me about 5 months ago -- my husband can't STAND him and hasn't since the night they met. The friend had liked me at first, but I never returned the feelings. In a roundabout way, he got hooked up with his wife because of me. They got married almost 3 years ago, and ... he still treated me like a confidant. It was weird for me. I didn't believe the things he was saying and doing were appropriate, and trust me when I say nothing physical ever happened between us. My husband would get so annoyed even by his name, that I decided even before we got married that having my husband feel safe and comfortable in our relationship was more important than maintaining a friendship with someone who put me in that situation, and I quit answering his phone calls. When he emailed me recently, he was all apologetic he hadn't talked to me for a while and said some other weird stuff. I just told him how happy I am and that I'm pregnant and we're doing great. Never heard from him again. Part of me wonders if he's not happy in his marriage (as he had previously suggested during talks when he wanted a confidant), so he was reaching out to see if I was unhappy in mine. Several of my girl friends who know him agree this is the case. My husband has NO friends who are girls, except through work, and he doesn't socialize with them outside of work and doesn't get close to them at work. Not because I insist, but because that is what he believes is right. We don't go looking for the newest and better version of our spouses, because we made vows and covenants to make our marriage work.

Another thing people who are being selfish do not see is that their behaviors will affect their spouse/partner. They don't understand why they should, especially in the case of the man putting his friends ahead of his wife in his priority list. He's still married to her, right? Wrong. Whether you like it or not, your behaviors, beliefs, decisions, words, and actions will affect/bother your partner, whether for good or bad, and they have an impact on your entire family as well. And in all honesty, he is the one pushing for the divorce. So his feelings are no longer connected so much to his wife, and he doesn't understand that hers are still there for him, even if he is destroying them day by day. He still wants to be her "buddy" and he's tearing her up inside because of his selfishness.

Even if someone didn't want a divorce, but woke up one morning and decided, "I am getting my own way on everything, come hell or high water ..." or, heaven forbid, really felt that way every day ... Oy. Just for example though, let's say I decided today to be a selfish biotch to my husband or belittling or demeaning to him, I could really do some damage to our relationship, whether I *think* it should or not. And it would have impact on all 3 of our kids, too. But if I decide to be kind when I mention things I need done and make an effort to take care of *his* needs as well, and make sure I'm being loving to him even when I'm upset, things go better between the two of us, and that still has an impact on our kids and our extended families as well, but a positive one instead of a destructive one. We have still had fights about his gaming and my spending (and various other things), but he's learned what I need and I've learned what he needs and we *try* to accommodate each other. And I've learned somewhat how to express my displeasure with certain things without being harsh or accusatory. Not that it always happens! We are not perfect! I cannot emphasize that enough. We have our share of problems. But we keep trying and keep working, and somehow even through all the bad stuff, we make it through.

So there's this week's lecture. lol. I'm going back to bed.

Morons at Church, updated pic (31 weeks 1 day)

This has been bugging me and I guess I need to vent. I dunno -- I know I've gained weight and I know my belly is HUGE. I went to church yesterday for the first time in a month, just sacrament meeting because I know it's stupid to push myself beyond that. My neighbors are expecting as well, about a month after me. She's a lot smaller than me, but she was smaller to begin with. Anyway. I ran into her in the bathroom, and she asked how much longer, and I said two months. She asks *every* time she sees me (so does everyone else) because she can't believe I really have that long left and/or can't remember we're due about a month apart. THEN I ran into her husband, who said, "so you're due any day, right?" "No. I have two months left." His jaw dropped and he started to say something else. I turned and walked away. *every* person who saw me asked how much longer. I get that my belly is huge, but my hell ... who gave these people license to comment about it? Granted, a lot of the women were sympathetic and kind, especially those who know about all the preterm labor crap we've been dealing with, and all of their loving kindness made me cry. The morons are the ones who made me pissed off. lol.

My former co-workers have said things before, but they asked to see an updated picture (they live all across the country, and we still talk even though few of us work for the same companies anymore). So I showed them this one. They were very gracious and said, "It looks like you've only gained weight in your belly -- it's all baby!" Which it really is. That and boobs (which look even tinier Steph, and they're bigger!). My hips have spread a bit, but that's pelvis separating. Hubby agrees it's all belly and boobs -- he says my butt and legs haven't changed much at all. And after all, who sees me naked and knows where the weight is? Geeze ...

Can you tell I'm annoyed? That would be the other reason I didn't go to any of the other meetings. I saw enough people who made enough comments to last me the rest of the pregnancy, didn't need to see the rest of them.

Father's Day

Had a horrible nightmare, had to check on Kidlet, so here I am now that I can't sleep ... lol.

The contrax have slowed down unless I try to *do* anything. Steph came over and cleaned on Saturday for a couple hours, then mentioned IKEA had a sale on a dresser I'd been eyeing for the baby, and since we have nowhere to put his clothes/dipes/anything, we headed up there. It's less than 20 minutes away, and she made me borrow a wheelchair from IKEA and pushed me around the store in it. Kiddo pushed the flat cart (we got her a dresser too since hers is really old and falling apart), and we chilled with hot dogs and cinnamon buns after. Even doing just that much tuckered me out the rest of the day and I did have some contrax later, so I've been trying to rest the rest of the weekend. We did go see FIL, but I parked my butt on a couch and didn't move unless I had to pee -- hubby got me food and drinks and catered to me even though it's Father's Day. LOL. I did make a peach cobbler last night (like, super easy) because it's FIL's favorite dessert I've ever made for them. We bought hubby some computer components a week or two ago, and that was his present from me. Small Fry called him (shocker, she hasn't the last two years for Father's Day!) so that was good to hear from her. And kiddo made him a card and a little key/money/pen/pencil holder out of a can (from the peaches for the cobbler, lol) and drew pictures and stuff for it. She did a really good job. She's been super helpful and well behaved as well. She's used up all the Sculpey, so I need to try and get her some more (and maybe see if kipluck and/or steph can help her since I am not that kind of an artist). And she's been learning to do counted cross stitch, too -- making a little Nemo thing for her brother. hehehe.

SUPER EASY PEACH COBBLER
Two 29-oz cans sliced peaches, drained, reserve juice
cinnamon
1 c flour
1 c sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1 egg

Spray a 9 x 13 pan with nonstick spray; put drained peaches in bottom. Sprinkle peaches liberally with cinnamon. In a small bowl, mix dry ingredients. Add egg and some of the reserved peach juice, enough to make a brownie/cake batter consistency (about 1/2 c?). Spread all over peaches and bake at 350 for 45-60 minutes. Serve with whipped topping or vanilla ice cream. YUM.

The Fave Five, plus Sense and Sensitivity, a.k.a., Happy Father's Day

1. Cherries. Again with the juicy goodness. hehehe. I've eaten pounds of them this week ... lol

2. Friends coming to the rescue. Seriously, when you have friends who bring you cookies and books and food, life doesn't get much better.

3. Family coming to the rescue. Same thing. I've been fairly spoiled.

4. SCULPTEY!!! Okay, kiddo LOVES crafting. LOVES it. She makes ginormous messes and wants to create things but doesn't have the correct materials or the learned skills to do things with. So this summer, she's tried crochet (horribly frustrating to her), counted cross stitch (horribly frustrating to me since she keeps putting knots in the floss), and finally ... sculptey. Bought the kind that you create and bake, and then it's still bendy and you can play with it! She loves it. I'm going to have to either send hubby for more or try and get to the craft store on my day off or something. Sorry the picture is sideways. This is Pigwidgeon from Harry Potter. She made him yesterday. I have to glue his head back on though. lol

5. Paying off bills and catching up on tithing. Somehow we got behind on tithing, but it'll be caught up Sunday. And I paid off 3 credit cards this month ... only to realize I forgot to pay two other ginormous bills. I did catch one up, and will get the other soon. Wheeeeeeeeeee. Love being brain dead.


And because I'm not sure I'll be on at all this weekend ... some deep thoughts. We'll be taking peach cobbler to FIL for Father's Day, and hubby's computer components (to his tower which still isn't working *sigh*) are his Father's Day gift. So ...

Happy Father's Day to all you bio-dads and step dads and foster dads and granddads ... not that any of you read my blog, but whatever. I've just been thinking about some stuff, and the daddies who take care of kids, whether theirs biologically or not, are on my gratitude list.

When I was a kid, I only knew a couple of kids in homes with divorced parents. I didn't know the correct terminology to refer to their step-parents or bio-parents, and years later, I found out I'd really hurt someone by referring to her bio-father as her "real" dad, and her step-father as her "fake" dad. I was mortified I'd ever said such a thing.

Her step-father had been married to her mother for a long time. He helped raise her (and her siblings) and take care of her and was a father to her in all but the biological sense of the word. Her bio-father was involved in her life, too, so perhaps the more respectful term to use would have been "step-dad" in that case.

This was brought home to me again recently when someone referred to my ex-husband as kiddo's "real" dad. It hurt me a lot (and I did later talk to that person about it; everything is fine now). In our house, we refer to him as her biological father and recently she started calling him her "birth father." Which is a good term for him. My ex was there to make her and stayed for me to birth her, but he has never been involved in her life, nor has he ever paid child support. Her REAL dad is my sweet husband -- the man who loves her and provides for her and takes care of her and holds her when she's sad and disciplines her when she makes bad choices. The man who baptized and confirmed her and says a family prayer with us twice every day and tucks her in when I can't and listens to her prayers at night, too. The man who stayed through her not sleeping through the night for months after our wedding, being woken up two or three times between midnight and 3 a.m., which is when he had to get up to go to work. The man who has never once complained about her (or me) being a financial burden to him. My husband wants to adopt her, and we do need to look into that, but for all intents and purposes except biologically speaking, he is her REAL father.

These days, kiddo is definitely not the only child of divorced biological parents in her class. Some have been through 2 or 3 divorces. Kiddo's kindergarten class asked her repeatedly on the day we did her spotlight where her dad was. We didn't even know my husband yet, so she just kept telling them, "I don't have a dad." Well. Now she does.

So, to my childhood friend (who will probably never read this blog either), again, I am so sorry. I never knew how hurtful my words were to you until we grew up. And I hope in the future I can be more aware of the words I use so I don't hurt people like I did then or have since then when I'm being stupid.