More spotting.

Yep. Not good. It's slowed down, but is still stressing me out.

My migraine is back to some extent, although I'm taking some homeopathics and drinking more water and electrolytes, which are all supposed to help. The Tylenol helps some (might go take some), but I am not comfortable taking much Excedrin (tension headache -- just tylenol and caffeine, no aspirin, but it's a LOT of caffeine). I'm not supposed to get shots. Wondering though if the caffeine is contributing to the spotting.

I'm going to have to call Auntie Voodoo again for another craniosacral myofascial release because she did one Saturday night and I had a decent day yesterday without a headache (first time in a week). She already said she'd do another one tomorrow though ... maybe I'll just wait.

Hormones

Since I was feeling pretty good (i.e., no nausea and my pain was semi-under control when we left and my emotions weren't too rowdy), I went to church yesterday. As soon as we got there, the pain was much worse -- I've never had cramps that strong and lasted that long before -- but I needed to stay and try to feel the Spirit, and we didn't go last week and kiddo needed to get to primary. I leaked through my skirt, which I've never had happen before (it was black, so I don't think anyone else noticed). While we were there, one of my good friends asked me if I'm pregnant. I had to explain things to her. She had a miscarriage in December and is now pregnant again. She says she thinks we probably conceived and lost it, too, but it hadn't produced enough hormone to get picked up on the tests.

In my half awake state this morning, it occurred to me: My body is sensitive to the slightest change in hormones. Always has been. I started getting sick with kiddo immediately after she was conceived. The mini pill we tried after kiddo was born sunk me into a horrible depression. I gained 30 pounds in 3 months on another supposedly low-dose birth control pill when I was living with my parents after my divorce. The minute amount of hormone in the Mirena IUD, which the docs and midwife thought would work well for me since other hormones have been so bad, helped me gain back all the weight I had lost last year, gave me horrible cystic acne, sunk me into a depression again and made me extremely irrational, and I bled nearly every day I had the thing.

I don't know what the doctor will think and I don't much care at this point. No point in dwelling on it, but at least hubby was cognizant of my state last night and held me for a while. We decided we aren't ready to try again; this was too hard on both of us.

AND... Really Stoopid News!!!!

Not all superheroes are created equally.

Take me for instance. I'm Super Stewie, but I'm not impervious to bullets. I don't have x-ray vision. I'm not all that fast, except for my flying fingers at work. I can't stop trains, I can't stretch for miles on end, I'm not invisible, I can't make plants obey my every whim, I'm not able to create a vortex by running in circles ... Worst of all, I can't fly! There are times I float ... but that's usually diagnosed as "vertigo" ... or when hubby kisses me ... ahem. But I am somehow managing to juggle being a mom and a wife and an employee and stuff, although the housework just isn't getting done.

Maybe I need a clone. Super Stewie II.

Okay, seriously. How many superhero movies have come out in recent years? Incredibles, My Super Ex-girlfriend, Zoom, Sky High, Superman Returns, etc. etc. etc.

I LOVE THEM. I will probably buy both Zoom and Sky High eventually. We own the Incredibles. The girlfriend one was pretty lame, although Luke Wilson, as always, plays a cute character.

But here's how all these "super" movies have affected my daughter.

This morning, she's holding barbie baby dolls (they are tiny), running around the house yelling, "Wheeeeeee! They're super babies Mom!!! They're flying!" *thud* (crashes the babies into a wall) "I guess they're not so super after all." *dejected look*

That is just not normal. It's hilarious though. Man, I love that kid.

Y'know. I started wondering if I was really ready to try to have a baby, if I really wanted more kids, if we'd be able to handle more changes, if it would really be worth the pregnancy and the labor and all the pain ... and I came to the conclusion just now that yes, kids are a PITA sometimes, but I have an amazing kidlet who just cracks me up and makes me giggle and she's really a beautiful spirit whom I love very much. And my husband isn't perfect, but I bet we'd still have great kids and our joy will increase exponentially, even if our disposable income decreases again for a while.

I guess it comes down to "kids = joy" and "moms = super" and "husband = amazing" ... so I think we'll be okay.

My ultrasound went fine this morning. Gotta call the doc Monday for the results. Woo.