Some days, you just need a hug

And if you don't get it, you need MORE hugs and MORE touching and MORE affection than a simple hug. RIGHT?

yeah, I know I'm right. :P

The thing is, I bet not everyone is like that ... and I bet not everyone needs as much affection and reassurance as I do right now.

Oddly, the more settled in my husband gets into our relationship, the less settled I feel. Not like I think he's going to pack up and leave anymore, more like ... I'm being taken for granted. Because the more settled he gets, the more he feels okay in telling me no, and I never knew he wanted to say no to a lot of things before, because he never DID. He also is more and more okay with not spending much time with me since he knows I'm not going anywhere.

That doesn't work for me. I still need his time and attention, even if I'm not going anywhere.

The important thing is that I do make sure my needs are heard. Maybe not in the healthiest ways sometimes, but I listen to his needs and try and make sure they are taken care of, so I try to make sure he hears me and takes care of mine, too. Even if it's in the middle of the night and I'm crying.

Marriage is an adventure I don't think I was entirely prepared for, and we have had an extremely rocky year. Last year this week, his daughter disappeared and we drove to Cali to try and get her back for a family reunion. His ex's mom disappeared, again, with her 30 minutes before we arrived.

Is history repeating itself this year? I don't know. I do know I'm leaving in about 36 hours to try and get her for a visit this year, another family reunion, and instead of a wedding (which was last year), a baptism.

I think it has us both freaked out. But we handle that differently: He withdraws into a shell and I need more and more of his time and attention.

We finally had it out last night and this morning things were better. He gave me a blessing (which was very special), we ran an errand as a family, and he held me when I needed it. AND he just came in to ask when I'd be done with work so he could get off his computer, too, and spend time with me tonight.

THANK HEAVEN.

Now, if only we both remember these lessons ...

Like tonight. Small Fry and her mom have been trying to call all day, but my phone has been in the car. Got messages and ... well ... her mom somehow thinks she's just dropping her off at the airport. What happened to signing the custody papers? I'm staying up now to wait for her to return my call so I can remind her the papers have to be signed before I'll take Small Fry on any sort of trip. Hopefully she calls back soon. I'm exhausted and don't have the emotional energy to be terribly nice too much longer.