Hormones

Since I was feeling pretty good (i.e., no nausea and my pain was semi-under control when we left and my emotions weren't too rowdy), I went to church yesterday. As soon as we got there, the pain was much worse -- I've never had cramps that strong and lasted that long before -- but I needed to stay and try to feel the Spirit, and we didn't go last week and kiddo needed to get to primary. I leaked through my skirt, which I've never had happen before (it was black, so I don't think anyone else noticed). While we were there, one of my good friends asked me if I'm pregnant. I had to explain things to her. She had a miscarriage in December and is now pregnant again. She says she thinks we probably conceived and lost it, too, but it hadn't produced enough hormone to get picked up on the tests.

In my half awake state this morning, it occurred to me: My body is sensitive to the slightest change in hormones. Always has been. I started getting sick with kiddo immediately after she was conceived. The mini pill we tried after kiddo was born sunk me into a horrible depression. I gained 30 pounds in 3 months on another supposedly low-dose birth control pill when I was living with my parents after my divorce. The minute amount of hormone in the Mirena IUD, which the docs and midwife thought would work well for me since other hormones have been so bad, helped me gain back all the weight I had lost last year, gave me horrible cystic acne, sunk me into a depression again and made me extremely irrational, and I bled nearly every day I had the thing.

I don't know what the doctor will think and I don't much care at this point. No point in dwelling on it, but at least hubby was cognizant of my state last night and held me for a while. We decided we aren't ready to try again; this was too hard on both of us.

AND... Really Stoopid News!!!!