Just gimme a hug, tell me you love me, KEEP HUGGING ME, let me cry for a while, and we'll be okay.

That's the new lesson learned this week.

Newlywedhood is simultaneously wonderful, amazing, HOT, loving, awesome, incredible, did I mention HOT???, rocking my world, and an emotional sobfest where one or the other of us is crying and making life difficult for the other ... which sucks.

Part of that is getting married so late in life (hush, I know I'm not old), both of us expecting life to be run certain ways while getting used to living with someone with very different ideas. My sweetie says I need to be more Polynesian. I think he needs to be more Palangi*. Being laid back works to some extent, but not when the bills have to be paid and the kid has to get to school and we have appointments at certain times. In Poly-land, it's acceptable and expected to be late to anything and everything. Think Mormon Standard Time magnified by 10 or 20. There you have Poly Time. Please don't think I'm being racist -- I love my Poly relatives and yes, even their laid-backed-ness ... and I especially adore my sweet husband. Sometimes, though, the casual attitude ... gets to me.

I hate being late, have to pay the bills before they're due (he lets me do this -- hands me his paycheck, I say I'll pay the bills, and he asks if he gets to keep any of it. No.), and would rather be busy doing *something* most of the time than chilling constantly.

He says I don't know how to relax. He's right. There is only one time I'm truly relaxed ... and ... well ... that's part of the HOT, awesome, amazing, incredible, loving part of being a newlywed.

Then there's the rest of the time. I mean, you can only do the above so many times in one day/night/weekend. Things get sore after a while. The rest of the time, I still need a hug when he gets home from work. I still need face time to talk, even if we're both dead tired. I still need to cuddle, to hold his hand, to kiss his cheek, etc. etc.

The thing is, he needs that, too. He needs the hang out time, not just the bed time. He needs hugs, hand holding, talking, etc. etc. etc. But when he's tired, he just falls asleep before either of us get the hang out time we're used to having. And then I take things personally. And that creates problems. As soon as he hugged me last night after a two-hour "discussion," I felt instantly better. It's like a miracle pill.

So, sweetie, the lesson learned is, if I start acting psycho or cold or distant, STOP what you're doing and take me in your arms and just hold me. Kay??? Okay. Oh, and apologizing for whatever insensitive thing you may have said without realizing it wouldn't hurt.

*Palangi means white.

Disclaimer: My husband doesn't actually READ my blog, and he always apologizes when my feelings are hurt -- but ONLY IF I TELL HIM THAT I'M HURT AND WHY. He can't read my mind any more than I can read his! Go figure. This is posted for the benefit of all the other newlyweds in the world struggling through their first year or two or three, trying to figure out why they're not getting along except in the bedroom, and maybe those oldyweds who are struggling, too. And for those friends of mine who will be getting married someday. Here ya go. Try this! It works! lol.