Pregnancy nightmares

I keep having them. They aren't any fun. Specifically, nightmares that my baby doesn't survive. I think a lot of that has to do with my friend who lost her son last summer and had to have an emergency hysterectomy to save her own life. We made contact again a few months ago, and she just is not dealing well with any of it. I can't say as I blame her. I probably would be a nut case if those things had happened to me.

That's one of the reasons The Architect gave me a priesthood blessing last week, and I was assured Thumper would be just fine and be born healthy and strong, even if I have to have the cesarean to get her out. When I'm awake and coherent, I feel fine about the pregnancy and outcomes, and I enjoy feeling her moving.

But the nightmares still come. Between that and getting up 15 times a night to pee, plus Little Mister's nightmares and possible sleep walking, I'm not getting much rest. And I really don't think that's going to change any time soon, since newborns aren't known for sleeping long stretches. haha.

oooooo, it works after all!

the foot -- i put it on wrong because the pictures and instructions weren't very clear. someone on the sewing forum told me how to put it on and it works!! happy dance.

Friday Fave Five!

I can't believe I almost forgot! I've been doing so good at posting every Friday. Grah.

1. Sewing geekiness: I ordered a set of quilting feet for my sewing machine so I can learn to actually quilt, and they got here today. The manufacturer is different from the one that made my machine, so one of the feet is incompatible, but I'm okay with that. I spent about as much as for 3 feet and a tool as one of the feet normally costs -- and got two that work and a functional tool I can see myself using a lot. I'll hang onto the other foot -- I'll probably have to get a different (i.e. better) machine eventually and it may be compatible with that.

2. More sewing: I had a couple of coupons for JoAnn fabrics today, and got some things I've been needing, including a pair of pinking shears. They're the ones that zig zag the edges of fabric, which is helpful in preventing fraying, and also can be used to trim edges of small items that need to be turned right side out after sewing to create less bulk and a curvier shape. Like baby booties. When I got home, there was a check in the mail from my grandpa for my birthday last month, which covered the shears. Thanks for the prezzie Gramps! (I'll have to write him a real note later; he doesn't read the blahg.)

3. I had lunch with Kaje yesterday, and she brought me some cute stuff for baby: A blanket, some girly bibs (thankfully; I didn't have any, just the gender neutral ones I'd made for Little Mister), a cute little sailor girl outfit, and some white onesies on which she'd put some cute appliques. The onesies are everyone's favorites. We had a good conversation, and I gave her some zucchini muffins I made the other night as well as the juggling balls/hackeysacks I'd made for her cute son. He called me today to say thank you, and seemed very excited about them! And he talked to me for a few minutes. I haven't seen him a lot in recent years, and still sometimes think of him as the tiny munchkin he was when we were roommates, but he's 9 now, and all growed up.

4. Had lunch with DisGrace and all the kids today. When lunch was over, we traded kids: She took Kiddo home with her, and I got Niecey-poo. She's 14 and can either be quite helpful or quite a handful. Today, she chose the former. She went with me to the fabric store and kept Little Mister happy. When we got home, she changed his diaper while I was in the bathroom -- without even being asked! And then she helped me clean up the living room, which desperately needed it. I made spaghetti for dinner, which she ate, and then while I was trying to get Little Mister to bed (fail), she just read. She pretty much read until her dad came to get her. She was a HUGE help, and didn't whine at all. She even got clothes for Kiddo while I was putting LM to bed so Kiddo could sleep over at their house. I don't know where she managed to find clean ones, but she did!

5. Ice water. I'm not quite drinking it by the gallon, but close. It's helping me stay cool. So is putting ice on the top of my tummy to discourage Thumper from flipping again. lol

So, we have a game plan

I plan to discuss this with the OB next Wednesday. She keeps flipping around -- she moved to the correct position last night, but Little Mister gave her a good kick today when he woke up from his nap, and she moved transverse and then breech later on. *sigh* She's just going to keep doing it because she has so much room!

If I go into labor on my own between now and the "deadline," and she is breech, we will ask them to try to turn her and then immediately break my water so she can't flip again. That means more pain and a probably faster labor, so I may end up with an epidural, but at least there's a hope of a natural delivery.

If we have to go the version route on the 11th and it is successful, we'll still ask them to immediately break my water for the same reasons and hope for the same outcome.

And again, if we have to do the C-section, it'll be okay.

The Architect came over and gave me a blessing tonight, and I'm feeling much more at peace about it all. The husband had planned to, but he's so freaked out about all of this, he finally said he's not in the best frame of mind to do so. So I emailed the Architect and it worked out just fine. And he convinced Kiddo to work on her room. So that was a bonus.

In other news, the kids have booby trapped the house. I stepped on a tape dispenser the other day and punctured my foot. It is now infected which makes it hard to walk. Awesome. And yes, I will discuss that with them too. In the meantime just trying to keep it clean and dry. woo.

blast blast blast

This baby is out to get me.

She turned breech again last night, while I was having some "good" contractions.

They've scheduled me for an attempt at manually turning her, and if it works, they'll immediately start an induction. If it doesn't, they will be doing a cesarean.

Please think good thoughts for us -- I'd prefer for her to turn on her own and come out, even though she seems to hate contractions. Our new "deadline" is June 11, which is when they will intervene.

I'm baking muffins and making other foods to stick in the freezer for afterward, just in case I have to do the surgery route. I know I'll be out of commission a lot longer that way. Not thrilled.

But if it has to happen, I'll be okay with it. It's just my preference to NOT have to do it that way. lol

Good news!

Thumper turned the right direction this last week, so no more breech or talk of C-section. As long as she stays put. Guess she really didn't like the ice on the head bit -- hot bath, ice on top of my belly ... I did it 5 nights in a row, and the second night felt some major pain and pressure, so I'm thinking that's when she turned, but I kept doing it just in case. haha.

I'm almost 36 weeks' pregnant, and that's when Little Mister made his entrance into the world. So I'm half hoping she comes in the next few days to a week. 37 weeks is when Kidlet joined us. I'm not DUE until June 24th though. *sigh*

The diabetes appointment went very well -- even though I wasn't as consistent about tracking my numbers this last week, the ones I did track were normal so they're no longer talking about adding more insulin.

I also bought a new mattress pad and sheets today. I can't wait to go to bed tonight. Alone. *snicker*

So flipping tired (whiny post)

I remember getting worn out toward the end of both of my other pregnancies, and I remember being uncomfortable and miserable. I do NOT remember wishing they were over, especially not early like this, and wanting to just be DONE being pregnant and being willing to go through labor to get the baby out of me. That didn't happen until I was already in labor! But here I am, not even 36 weeks, and I want to be done done done done done.

I'm sure part of the fatigue and doneness is because Little Mister has changed his sleep schedule a bit, and so I'm not getting the rest I need because he's not sleeping when he used to. That's rough going. And he's almost two, so he's having more frequent meltdowns and tantrums, and is wanting things his own way, no matter what *I* think about it.

And part of it is the stress with Kiddo being a preteen and sassy.

And part of it is the husband's frequent bipolar crashes of late. He is ready for this to be over, too, and keeps asking me when I think it will be. "I don't know, let me look in the crystal ball!"

I'm trying to enjoy the baby's movements, but she's developed this habit of placing one or another of her appendages into a very uncomfortable position, worse than either of the other kids did. I was having some contractions the other day while she was doing it, and I was out with the kids running errands. I was in tears from the combination. Kiddo asked if she needed to call an ambulance and said that if she could drive, she'd just take me to the hospickle.

I'm officially on maternity leave as of today. I just can't keep doing all of this. Hoping she comes in a week or so, and that the few remaining projects get done, whether by me or someone else. *yawn*

I'd better go change LM's diaper ... just realized it's been a while.

Friday Fave Five!

1. *gasp* DH noticed he was making a mess in the area in our room that I'd cleaned on Monday, and *cleaned it up himself!* without any poking, prodding, prompting, or pleading!

2. Paid off our car this week and paid off some small medical bills that had been sitting around but I could never find TO pay. We had the $ for the medical bills from our flex spend account, just couldn't find them. Lovely. It feels great to get them out of the way!

3. Chocolate Carnation Instant Breakfast mixed with whole milk tastes like a real chocolate milk shake (though not the correct thickness). And if I drink 2 cups of water in the hour following, my blood sugar doesn't soar either. Ahhh. hahaha!

4. The virtuous body gal dropped her prices. This is a good/bad thing for me. Love her soap ... I'm restraining myself for the moment though.

5. Kiddo finally figured out I was tired yesterday and fixed dinner while I fell asleep in Little Mister's bed -- it wasn't from scratch, but still. She heated up frozen chicken patties and made some instant mashed potatoes and gravy. AND she fed her brother without being told. After a week from heck with attitude, attitude, more attitude, and me running around doing errands every single day (even on the days I'd planned to stay home), I really needed the sleep and the break.

The not faves: My feet and hands are swelling up -- not fun. Baby is breech, so we're trying to persuade her to head toward the exit. And for some reason, it's really irritating me when people use exclamation points after every single sentence they type! It's annoying! Not everything demands an exclamation point! I won't name names, but there is someone on a website driving me crazy with this habit! Grah. Hoping I'm not so grumpy after the baby gets here.

More new words!

He finally figured out that when he passes gas, it's not pooping. It's "tooting" at our house. So now, anytime anyone toots, he runs over and touches their tummy or butt and says, "You toot! Good job!"

I'm hoping no one from the church comes over and farts loudly.

well that was fun

so, i'm still pregnant. that status was in serious jeopardy over the weekend. about 6 on saturday evening, i noticed i was having contractions 3-5 minutes apart. five hours later, after getting disgrace to come over and the husband home from work, we went to L&D. i wasn't progressing much, and i'm past 34 weeks, so they sent me home.

now, i know a 34-weeker will eventually be fine, but probably in the nicu for a while. so we just kept telling baby girl to stay put for another 2 to 3 weeks.

last night around 10 or so, the contractions slowed a lot and the intensity dropped a LOT.

this morning, i feel a lot better and, though i'm still having a few contractions, they're not intense and not consistent at all.

thank heaven.

Friday Fave Five!!!

1. The totes I made. *love* (can't post pictures yet, will do so later)

2. I bought this fancy handmade soap the other day for my own mother's day prezzie. Because I'm cool like that. Actually, I want a pedicure and the husband said that was fine, but um ... with so many medical appointments every week, there is no way I'll have time to do any pampering until this baby is 19. ANYWAY. About the soap. It's divine! My skin isn't dry or itchy, it hasn't made me break out yet (miracle!), and the ingredients list is very minimal. The gal who makes these soaps is on the sewing forum where I learn all kinds of fun things, and she is wonderful! Go. Shop. Buy. www.virtuousbody.com ... become a Facebook fan today and get a special discount (today)!

3. The fact that Little Mister looks for me at the stairs while I'm at the hospickle with all these dumb appointments warms my heart because I'm still his favorite, but I'm also getting happier with the fact that he's not freaking out when I'm NOT home, which might make the labor/delivery/hospickle stay a little easier on all involved.

4. Kiddo used some of her own money to buy prezzies for Little Mister, Thumper, and herself. When LM was an infant, he had a blanket we called "the magic blankie" because it would calm him down when nothing else would. So soft and fuzzy, made of Minkee, and we were washing it almost every day (after he puked on it). My SIL bought him a stuffed monkey made of Minkee, and we called it "the magic monkey." Sense a theme? I bought some fabric to make two identical magic blankies for Thumper (so she has one when the other is in the wash), and then we had to find some onesies and socks for her. While we were in the baby section, Kiddo found Mickey and Minnie Mouse and Piglet, all made with Minkee. Mickey and Minnie came with small fleece blankets, so she bought those for the babies, and she bought Piglet for herself. Little Mister *loves* Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on Disney, and was SO excited about Mickey, he held him almost the entire way through the store after that. He's been sleeping with him, cuddling him, and giving him drinks from his sippie cup. So cute.

5. While it's not my fave that the husband keeps crashing from stress, especially with the coming baby and the pregnancy complications, it IS fabulous that he can talk to me about all of this stuff. He didn't talk to me about things before, so this is a good, positive step.

Fun times

Woke up with major contractions on Tuesday. Had to go to the hospickle anyway for a nonstress test. Baby was fine, contractions aren't making things progress much yet, and my doctors said they wouldn't stop labor if it came now anyway, so ... yeah. they sent me home after just over 2 hours there.

My blood sugars are under better control unless I have a migraine, so that's good. The diabetes folks didn't freak out over any of my numbers, so that was even better.

Saw one of the OBs yesterday, who did NOT freak me out about an amnio or any other interventions, so I'm feeling more calm.

I also felt pretty good in the afternoon, so I went to the store and finished up the baby shopping. I can still walk today, so that's good news.

Was off work last night, so I sewed. Contrary to Kristina's belief that it only takes me 15 minutes to whip up stuff, it took about 4-1/2 hours to make 4 totes for the baby's gear. Couldn't find any in the store that I liked, would fit into the empty bookshelf that's just sitting there, or were in our budget, and neither was another dresser. I had the fabric on hand and figured what the heck? And stayed up until after 2 finishing them. When I got up this morning, we loaded them up with baby clothes. Kiddo started the blankets washing, and we have diapers to do, but things are looking up as far as our being prepared goes. I do need to install the car seat base, but that's about it.

I had to go in for another test this morning (fun times, I tell ya), and had noticed that baby girl wasn't very active this morning. Panic. They found her heart rate right away, but she didn't move once for 10 minutes. With Kiddo, that wouldn't have worried me at all because she was a lazy baby, but the last two have not been. I said something to the nurse about the lack of moving ... I should've kept my mouth shut. Thumper started moving after those 10 minutes and did.not.stop. for 45 more minutes. Now, they expect to have 20-25 minutes of continuous monitoring for the nonstress tests in order for them to send you home. So that was a major problem. They finally got her back on the monitor, and even though she kept moving, it still picked up her heart rate. So I finally got to leave 20 minutes later.

I refuse to go anywhere tomorrow. I'm going to be lazy and stay in my jammies all day because I can. Plus, I have 5 appointments next week. Yay.

I keep telling Thumper to wait 3 more weeks and then just walk on out. I hope she's listening.

Mother's Day

Before I go getting all bitter and sentimental, happy mother's day to all the mommies I know. lol

Mother's Day has become my least favorite holiday.

It's not because my daughter, as wonderful as she usually is, inevitably picks a fight with me.

It's not because both my husband and daughter ask me for every holiday what I want, and I always say, "A clean house," and they both laugh like I'm joking. And I never am.

It's not because my husband works graveyards, so I don't really get a "day off". Ever. or that he always goes card/gift/flower shopping at the last possible second and won't buy them on Sunday, so (this year at least) I'm SOL.

It's not because my in-laws expect us over there for all of the holidays.

Because as nice as MIL can be, she is not my mother.

My mother and I live in different states, and every holiday reminds me of how much I miss her and how, what I really want for Christmas/birthdays/mother's day, is to see my mother. But I don't get to. And mother's day is the worst of them all, because it is a day supposed to be honoring MY mother (and my family honoring me). I miss her more and more with every passing year and wish we lived closer so I could spend time with my mother. Especially on mother's day.

Love you Mom.

Dumb and Dumberer

My Friday Fave Five will have to wait. I'm a total dork.

I made a dumb choice or two today. First, I didn't tell the gal at Los Hermanos that upstairs was a mean thing to do to a woman this pregnant. Instead, I just waited to use the bathroom until I got to the school to pick up Kiddo. lol. Had fun at lunch with my friends from college, though Little Mister wasn't too thrilled about first, being woken up to go, and second, getting a bowl of salsa dumped on him by the waitress. She apologized profusely and got us extra napkins and even a wet one, but she should have at least comped us something. Her tip? about half of what I would have given her.

I had contractions off and on when we got to my sister-in-law's to chill for a little while, probably because I waited so long to pee earlier. hahaha. I *know* that happens. I just didn't want to traipse up and down stairs. Oy.

Second dumb choice? Well. We had to go fax some papers to the flex spend company to get some money back (which we desperately need -- our prescriptions are not cheap!), so I went to the grocery store. This grocery store faxes stuff for the cheapest around, so it made sense. And I was craving grapes, so I figured I'd grab them and a couple of other things on the perimeter of the store while I was there. We did NOT go up and down any aisles, just walked around the outside aisle of the store and grabbed those few things.

By the time we got back to the car, I was in tears from the sciatic pain. Kiddo asked if we needed to call daddy. No. Do we need to call an ambulance? No. I'm not in labor. She paused. Did I do something??? No. I just hurt.

Yeah, it's not been a fun night. Her attitude was great until after dinner, at which point she freaked out because she was supposed to do her chores. I was in too much pain to cope and went to bed with Little Mister and woke up still hurting. Derrrrr.

The husband massaged the area when I woke up before he went to work (thank you husband), but I still hurt. I'm going to bed now and am hoping some Tylenol will help, because at this point, standing/sitting/lying down? It all hurts. Bad.

Wednesday Whining

I'm 33 weeks pregnant tomorrow. My perinatology and diabetes appointments were okay yesterday, though they increased my insulin again (second week in a row). I've felt off all day today after that, have a migraine with numb face (joy), and still had to go to an OB appointment. *sigh*

Ugh. Did NOT have the best OB appointment, though I am back down 2 pounds. woo! haha. (I'd gained two or three the week of my birthday, probably from all the sugar and eating out!) I really like the doctor, so it wasn't him at all. Just ... my amniotic fluid index (AFI) is at 22, and he's getting really worried about it. It's gone up 1.5 cm in 4 weeks. It can trigger preterm labor and there really isn't much they can do about it. It's associated with the gestational diabetes ... and because my sugars aren't being controlled that well with the insulin, he's worried about the baby, too. He said if they have to keep increasing my insulin, we'll need to do an amniocentesis at 37 weeks to check her lung development, and if she's fine, they'll want to deliver immediately. If I refuse the amnio, they would have to wait until 39 weeks and that carries increased risks for the baby with out of control sugars. I have to go into their office weekly to check the AFI from here on out, which I figured, and still do the twice-weekly NSTs at the hospickle. They used to do them in their office but don't anymore. He suggested calling L&D when the husband gets home first thing to see if they're busy (at 6:30 a.m.) and hopefully I can get them out of the way early in the day without having to wait a super long time.

So, I'm being more strict with myself about what I'm eating -- no sugary crap at all. no white flour anything or white rice. Brown stuff from here on out. More veggies. I seem to do okay with some fruits but can't eat them all the time. No sugar, not even graham crackers or cinnamon life cereal which weren't affecting me at all before but are now. yay.

At this point, I almost hope she comes at 36 weeks, though 37 would be better. *sigh*

The good news is that I'm not retaining much water ... yet ... woo.

There's the end of my whining. You may return to your regularly scheduled programming.

our internet

seriously sucks. it dropped my vpn 5 times in ONE HOUR while i was trying to work.

so while i couldn't work last night, i sewed this up for Thumper.



I have a skirt for Kiddo cut out using both fabrics and pants for Little Mister cut out, only using the plaid. I've asked Small Fry's mom for her measurements so I might be able to make her a skirt, too. I have enough fabric for it! Way overestimated what I needed. Anyway. It made me much less frustrated with the internet to do something productive.

The bonnet is a tester for a friend who created the pattern. I might have to find some little babies to try it on since Thumper is (thankfully) still inside!

The Blind Side

I watched this last night while cutting out giant piles of fabric of stuff I need to do before Thumper arrives. I *loved* it. So much so that, when Kiddo asked if we could watch it this afternoon, I said sure. Little Mister had just fallen asleep because he'd taken a very early nap this morning (and thus didn't go to bed on time tonight), and The Husband was at the store (again, getting a couple things I forgot to put on the list Saturday ... lurve him!), so we just chilled out for a little bit. I made chili for dinner while we watched it. Little Mister woke up about 15 minutes later and didn't want to watch it until he saw the football scenes! haha. Love that kid.

The husband hadn't wanted to watch it. He grew up in the projects in LA until they moved to Utah, and his older brother was an amazingly talented athlete but their parents couldn't afford the equipment rentals the schools required once they moved here, so he never got to play beyond his sophomore year. And his younger brother was just as talented, and just as out of luck here. The husband knew he'd be reminded too much of his brothers' missed opportunities, and it was an emotionally charged movie anyway, so he didn't want to watch it.

I had told him about a couple of funny scenes, and he came home right before one, so he came in and watched it. He wandered around a bit, then came and watched the rest of the movie with us. He really liked it, too.

Sandra Bullock did an amazing job, but so did the young man playing Michael Oher, Quinton Aaron. And Tim McGraw didn't suck. This is one movie I wish we'd purchased, and we may still yet because I liked it that much.

I had to look up some things about Michael Oher and Quinton Aaron after it was over the second time. Not only did Michael Oher have to bust his butt in his classes during his senior year so he could qualify for any of the football scholarships offered to him, but he had to take some online independent study courses through BYU to replace some of his worst grades. He had planned to leave college after his junior year, but decided to stick it out, made the honor roll, and got a degree in criminal justice. When he signed with the Baltimore Ravens, his contract was $13.8 million for 5 years. After his first year in the NFL, he came in second for the offensive rookie player of the year.

Not too bad for a kid from the projects.

Quinton Aaron was in a bad place in his life when he auditioned for the part of Michael Oher. His mother was extremely ill and he had no money. He told the director, after the audition, that he was also in security and, if he didn't get the part, he'd love to help on the movie in security, and gave him a card. The director said he'd keep that in mind. A year later, Quinton's mother died. He still had no money and his family was about to be evicted from their apartment. That's when he finally got the call that he had won the part. I couldn't find any listing of how much he made for the movie, but he was nominated for best actor for the movie in both the Black Reel awards and in the NAACP awards.

When I told the husband about Michael Oher's NFL contract, he told Little Mister that playing sports was a-okay with him, and to make lots of money to support his parents. haha.

On Parenting

I didn't sleep much last night, or very well. Just couldn't sleep. Little Mister didn't come in until his usual wakeup time at 5:45 this morning, but the husband had come home around 4:30, and that woke me up.

I'd been asleep for about 2-1/2 hours.

So I let Little Mister wake up Kiddo a bit early this morning, she changed the dishwasher and we made breakfast, and then I went back to sleep. When she asked me to take her to school this morning, I asked her (in my sleep) if she wouldn't rather skip school today so I could sleep.

She said no, she wanted to go learn.

I'm either doing something very right, or very, very wrong.

Maybe I should have offered her cookies.

When We're Helping We're Happy ...

So today, the husband finished the grocery shopping. He took Kiddo with him. But first, he told her she absolutely had to do the dishes because I'd been telling her to do them all day.

The dishwasher was unloaded and then loaded in less than 10 minutes.

He bought her a treat (mini M&Ms) while they were out, which she shared with Little Mister when they got home. She also helped make dinner again, with a very cheerful attitude.

Later on, after Little Mister was in bed, she helped me sort the baby's clothes into size groups and put the first load in the wash, and folded and put away a load of towels.

Why did it take her all day to do one thing I asked? The rest was happily done, to the point of me wondering who she was ... haha.

The husband also seemed in a very good mood after finishing the shopping. I'm thinking I need to request his help more often, maybe asking him to help fold a load of clothes with me tomorrow.

Completely unrelated, I hadn't seen We Are Marshall ever. It's been on TV a lot the last few days, and I finally managed to catch it on near the beginning this afternoon. Little Mister actually watched it with me. Because they play football a LOT in that movie. haha.

Oh, and to be fair, Kiddo and I did watch Sherlock Holmes earlier today while LM was sleeping. The husband watched it yesterday and said it was very tasteful, so we decided she could watch it if she wanted to. She did.

Next up is The Blind Side, which I was going to turn on tonight while I cut out fabric when I had no work, but it started trickling in. I'm trying not to be upset about it. ;)