MIA

I'll probably not be around too much this week, what with my family coming in town and all.

But I had to say, I am a SNOB. I knew this person in high school but didn't think she was ... this ... illiterate. I had to "hide" her FB status updates because I can't read them without editing (in my head) for proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation, and then I always want to type them out correctly for her. I'm afraid someday I might actually do it. Nearly did today, what with "nabors dogs barked alot last night... do I have to get up?"

Ahem.

Friday Fave Five!

1. Spending part of the day with my kids outside ...

2. Warm running water for baths after #1.

3. Lemonade.

4. Summer rain storms. *love* I don't mean every day, but to break up heat or just have a bit of a thunder storm, when it's warm outside and I can go play in the rain without getting sick.

5. Kix. Little Mister had it the first time at the in-laws' the other day and he gobbled it up. I bought some on sale the next day and he's been enjoying it ... as have I. I'd forgotten how much I like it. Too bad I've eaten it with milk, though.

Free paint?

I like to paint. I haven't done a thing with the condo since we moved in 4 years ago.

But hey, Glidden is giving away free paint.

https://www.glidden.com/promotions/free-paint-giveaway.do

f'reals.

(fave five will be up later)

I'm still a dork

Had a weird experience tonight, so I thought I'd share.

I know this will come as a shocker to all of you, but I was a huge geek/dork/dweeb/nerd in junior high and high school. I still am, but I'm okay with my dorkiness these days.

Earlier tonight, I was looking at the facebook page of a gal I knew in high school. She was more popular than I was, but we were friendly and sang in chamber choir together our senior year. Chamber was audition only and only 28 voices were chosen every year and we spent a *lot* of time together at retreats and singing val-o-grams or whatever they were called. So we got to know each other rather well.

[If you knew me then and know any of the people I'm talking about, please don't use real names in comments or on your own blogs. And if you don't, rest assured, I'm not telling. :P]

So I was looking through her friends list, just checking to see if she had any of my other friends on there (I tell ya, I have ADD...). And I saw a guy on her list. One I *never* had a crush on but he scarred me for life. Not him, per se, but an incident that happened involving me and him way back in junior high.

See, this guy was CUTE. So cute. Like, ultra cute. (he still is, btw, if his thumbnail does him any justice). I *think* we were in band together in junior high, but I could be remembering wrong. Anyway. I knew he was out of my league and didn't want anything to do with me, and I was okay with that. I didn't want anything to do with him, either, but I could appreciate how fine he was. Following me?

Okay. So I went to school one day, and everyone was talking about me and whispering about me ... pointing at me ... I was clueless. I didn't know what was going on for quite a while until someone told me and showed me. Someone had written in black magic marker on the guy's bright orange locker that I was in love with him. His locker was down a hall where I never went, so I honestly had no clue until they took me over there and showed me.

Color me mortified. I was horrified and wanted the earth to swallow me. Obviously, whoever wrote that thought it would be mortifying for that guy to think I liked him -- I was the fat nerdy girl with glasses. y'know? [I wasn't even that fat, just not a twig or barbie clone like the guys around here tend to prefer]. Anyway. His friends bugged me about it, but I could tell he was just as embarrassed as I was, but whether that was because someone targeted both of us or just me, I still don't know. And to this day, I don't know who wrote it on his locker or what the motivation was or if it was someone who really did like him or what. [Now I'm wondering if it was that girl ... hehe].

This all happened like TWENTY YEARS AGO. And just happening across his picture and name brought back that rush of sadness and embarrassment, that feeling of being the powerless, helpless, hapless kid I was that day.

I'm fine with being a semi-funny, semi-crunchy, often crafty, mostly functional, happily married mom of two at home and another far away, who types medical reports when she can concentrate after the kids are in bed, with a strong testimony of the gospel and my importance to my Heavenly Father. And that's all that should matter.

For a brief second, though, that made me feel so small as a person. What on earth gives those early experiences the power to reduce someone emotionally, even for a second, who is really okay with who she is?

I don't know, but I'm back to myself now. Sipping water, typing reports, going to shower in a bit then check on the baby, and off to my lovely bed in my tidier little house, waiting for my handsome husband to get home from work so I can have a hug, and maybe even a minute or two of alone time to talk before the kids get up and I have to play mean mom again so Kiddo will finish sorting through her clothes.

Meanest Mom EVER

So, my wonderful DD has a room that looks like a cyclone hit. No matter what. I can go in and organize it all and the next day, it's back to the same. I've thrown things away, given her deadlines, hubby has made threats as have I ...

So last night, I decided to do a mini Clean Sweep. I made signs that said, "Keep," "Trash," and "Sell". I gave her one hour on her room, told her whatever she wanted to keep had to fit on her bed except for books, which needed to be stacked neatly in her bookcase. Her bed is a full size, so it's not like she has nothing left. haha. She piled stuff on the bed and got the books in the shelves. Then I made her throw out one bag of crap.

At that point, I knew if anything else was to leave the house, I would have to take over. So I gave her a clothing guideline: 10 school outfits, 10 play outfits, but they all had to fit. 10 pairs of underwear, 4 sets of pajamas, 3 dresses, etc. She happily followed them and figured out what she wants and what fits (then saying we'll have to go shopping because lots of it is too small), and then I started throwing stuff away.

I've tossed 4 bags, am on #5 (which is #6 total out of her room), and she started catching me throwing away stuff she wants. So I let her negotiate. She had to pick one item of similar size that she'd saved on her bed to trade, OR pay me money (amount determined per item).

She's out of money.

hahaha.

I have to put the baby down for his nap, might fall asleep too since I'm getting a wicked headache, but then ... I might just go in and throw everything else away. That might get rid of a headache ... *snort*

*thinking* part deux

A CNM is actually no longer available at the college where I thought it was, and it looks like that's an industry trend. DNP (a doctorate in nursing) is what is replacing it and several other specialties (PharmD. for instance).

It takes an additional 4 years.

Thinking RN ... maybe ... L&D?

Talked to hubby about it. He said he would support me in whatever I wanted.

Then he muttered to himself something about getting his education, too, so he wasn't relying on his wife's income. haha.

*thinking*

So, I started thinking about going to back to school a LONG time ago. Never did because I didn't know what I'd want to be when I grew up.

MamaBear started nursing school (or was it pre-nursing stuff??), I think to be a CNM (certified nurse midwife) but had a hard time making it work with her family.

Well. The more I've thought about it, the more I've thought about doing the same. Delivering babies? Sign me up. I love babies.

So I looked up my transcript at UVU where I went a bazillion years ago. Even though I majored in party, didn't apply myself, and generally was a PITB for my teachers, AND I dropped out during my last semester there, I still have a 3.72 GPA. Not the best, but not the worst it could've been either given the circumstances of my life at the time.

Hmmmm...

I did briefly think about just becoming a midwife through a midwifery school, but those don't usually have hospital privileges and, even though I'd classify myself as semi-crunchy these days, I'm not about to home birth. Too many what ifs. I believe labor and birthing should have as few interventions as possible, or as requested/demanded by the patient and circumstances, but I believe it should be in a hospital because "what if." That 20 minutes to the ER/NICU might make the difference between life and death, y'know?

Anyway.

Still thinking. Haven't even talked it over with hubby yet. He wants to go to school, too, but hasn't figured out what he'd want to be either. *sigh*

long week

hubby's been sick and sick men are ... almost worse than the kids. we were supposed to go camping, but it rained. more than one person cried/whined about that, and none of them were me.

I've been fairly grumpy with it all ...

And this afternoon, even though hubby was sick, he wanted to go to his friends' house with all of us and play games. So we did, but wow ... he just isn't feeling well. I told him we could cancel and do it another time, but nooooooooo ... if the games *he* wants to play are involved, he does whatever it takes. lol.

So while we were there, my ultra-anxious, uber-nervous 9-year-old disappeared.

This is the kid who asks permission to use the bathroom. In our house. Or get a drink. In our house. Or any number of things she really doesn't need permission for. In our house. She asks before she plays jump rope in our driveway or goes across the street to the park.

Color me frantic. I went through the house, the front and back yards, calling her name repeatedly. Tried *twice* to get hubby's attention for some help, and the next time I yelled, "*hubby*!! I cannot find our daughter. I could use some assistance. NOW."

Hubby and the friend's wife started going to the neighbors to the south because the friends' kids had been playing there all day. But I hadn't seen her when I looked there.

I was panicking, thinking I'd need to call the police immediately. She was gone about 10 minutes. I went back in the front yard and started looking again. She came around the corner from the neighbors to the NORTH and said, "why is everyone calling my name?"

Hugs and frustration with the kid. "Where were you?" Over there (she pointed). "Did you ask or tell anyone where you were going?" " ... no." "I thought someone stole you!" I cried and cried and am still teary about it. She still didn't get quite why I was so freaked, but she realized she shouldn't have gone without permission.

She came in the house and the friends' baby twins woke up about 5 minutes later, so she spent the rest of the time we were there holding the babies, then her brother.

Man, I love that kid. But if she ever gives me a panic attack like that again, she's grounded for life.

Thank heaven

Literally.

Carri woke up this morning and was coherent, although cannot speak at this time. She did write a bit and knows she lost her baby, and is now being kept sedated so she can heal. None of the medical professionals expected this given the circumstances.

so, if you said a prayer on her behalf, I thank you.

Off to hug my baby again.

Friday Fave Five!

I'm in a bit of a down mood right now ... Last night I found out my husband's other sister (not the one with all the drama!) is probably getting a divorce. I don't know details and it has come as quite a shock to me -- she hasn't been able to talk to me "alone" without little ears listening, so I don't know what's happened. Then, this morning, an online friend went into labor and it has ended quite tragically. I won't get into details, but she's barely hanging on and may still not make it. Her name is Carri, so if you have time or inclination to do so, please pray for her.

So, while I have been praying all evening for her and trying to control my tears, alternately freaking out about my SIL who seemed to be in a stable, healthy marriage, I do need a shot of positives from the week so I can get beyond this and get to my regularly scheduled life. y'know, that j-o-b thing I need to do tonight to earn money to help pay the bills? I'm actually scheduled off tonight but need to work since we decided not to camp in the wet.

1. I am so thankful for my sweet son and for the miracle that he is. From being conceived at all to being born early and now a rowdy 11-month-old who gets into *everything* ... I just keep looking at his pictures I posted yesterday and thanking my Heavenly Father for this sweet little angel and his older sister and their daddy.

2. I am thankful that I was able to visit teach this week. One of the gals I visit is the wife of our former bishop, who is now in the stake presidency. She has such a wonderful spirit about her and the visit was a bit backwards from how they usually go. She kept asking us how *we* were, and it's supposed to be the other way 'round. *snort* She's such a neat person, and I'm excited to get to know her better.

3. Because our campout got mudded/rained out this weekend, hubby took kiddo out for a daddy-daughter date tonight. She was so stinking excited when they left. It made her week. Hubby wants to adopt her, so we need to save money and get a lawyer. And she wants to be sealed to us, so that's something else we're working toward but need to find out from our new bishop what needs to happen.

4. I got to go fabric shopping today for some things to finish the quilt top and take care of a few other projects. JoAnn's sale = save lots of money. I didn't get everything I wanted, but I did get some needed things. I'll have to try again when we have a bit more $ and there's another great sale.

5. DisGrace got a new job today. It was badly needed, so now she can get happy again. hehe. She gets PTO, 401k, and FSA (and she isn't full time), all of which I had with my former employers (who I grew to hate) and *used* to have with my current employers but they discontinued the FSA, I lost my PTO when I went to part time (they paid it all out instead of letting me use it a little at a time -- bah!), and they haven't done the 401k either. If she likes it after she starts, I'll be applying there. Heck, I might apply there now and see what line rate they'll pay me since I have 6+ years of experience. Don't get me wrong, I love my current employers, but bennies speak. Volumes.

*sniff*

Baby is 11 months old today. *cry*

He's great fun. Here are a few of the photos we took at the dentist yesterday to keep me ... I mean, HIM entertained.

What? Really?

Hubby and I both went to the dentist today.

For the first time in about 18 months.

I was scared, thinking we'd both have massive quantities of cavities.

But happily, neither of us did. SCORE!

Hubby, however, was lectured about his lack of flossing. And he has to go back in 3 months. haha!

Guess I'll Clarify

I despise having long conversations via texting. If it requires much thought, research, or more than a smiley or brief answers, I really despise it. Had one of those today and it made me grumpy. I could've just called the person in question, but didn't really want to get into it with them. *sigh*

Anyway. Hubby and kiddo both tell me I'm supremely grouchy lately. That and some other "symptoms" led me to take a pregnancy test this morning, which was a BFN (big fat negative). I'm alternately relieved and torqued that I don't have an excuse to keep being a witch so I need my attitude adjusted. le sigh.

So in summary: Brief texts are okay, long drawn out convos via txt are not, and I am most definitely NOT pregnant, just a grouch.

I hate texting

Hate getting them. Hate having to "type" back.

The end.

A work in progress

So, a gal I know online sent me some of her baby girl's clothes (and money) to make a quilt for said baby ... a few months ago. I'm finally getting to cutting out blocks and things from it, and decided to go to JoAnn's Fabric today to get something with my 50% off coupon. Like a batting (the inside of the quilt).

The batting was on sale for 50% off. So was the calico (quilting fabric). So were the rotary cutting blades (I picked up an extra, even though I just bought one a little bit ago). So were the knitting needles (bought the one size mom didn't send me).

So, now I need to get the quilt done, but I'm more excited now because I have a plan. I'll post pictures when it's done. IN a month. lol

The Broken Road

Okay, so there's this really sappy song by Rascal Flatts ... wait, they have lots of them. There's one in particular that struck a chord with hubbers and I when we heard it. If you want to listen, here's the video.



Essentially, it talks about all the broken hearts and broken dreams you've dealt with in your life lead you to where you're supposed to be, where you're supposed to go, who you're supposed to be with.

I ran into an ex-boyfriend tonight. He was one of the "others who broke my heart," the first one actually.

I didn't recognize him. I was headed into a convenience store to which I had a gift card (a $5 free one from that company for filling out a survey or something), and flashed a smile at the employee standing there vacuuming the floor. He smiled back and I merrily did my shopping, sprite for the sick kid, then headed back to the checkout. I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard my name. It took me a few seconds to figure out who that vacuuming employee was. I haven't seen him in 13 or 14 years -- and we've both packed on some weight since then. (whew -- the last ex-boyfriend I ran into is still rail thin, lol!)

He said my eyes gave me away, because they hadn't changed. As I've thought about it since I got home, I remember him loving my eyes and using that as a pickup line way back when. Obviously, he was flirting with me, although I didn't get it then. lol.

We chatted for a few minutes about divorce (both of us) and a second marriage (mine), sick kids (mine), healthy kids (his), and me not being in the music scene anymore (too much other stuff to do). I just thought about how grateful I am to be married to my sweet husband, this wonderful man who loves me and provides for us. So I got back in the car, "rolling home, into my lover's arms..." Came home and hugged my husband and baby (not the pukey kid, sorry kiddo), saw Steph for a minute, and after I got the baby down for the night, this song popped into my head.

Even though seeing him again threw me for a loop, I'm grateful for him being part of that broken road instead of pursuing me beyond where our relationship ended, because I did end up where I was supposed to be: Right where I am.

Friday Fave Five

Here's my 5 favorite photos from my bridal shoot 2-1/2 years ago. I just found the disc.





Now everybody sing: You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you ...

Maybe I'm good

Just watched part of "Cheaper by the Dozen" on TV. I've seen it before. Reminded me of growing up in a household of only 6 kids.

Yeah, maybe two kids at home (three total) is a good number ...

look! I'm a hippy!

I wear my baby everywhere. I wear clothes I make, including really long flowing skirts, lol. I make my kids wear clothes I make. I make my baby wear diapers I make. I don't use paper towels anymore. I use cloth grocery sacks that I made.

I might have a problem.

But you have to admit, this is pretty darn cute. And I'm way more comfy wearing him on my back than front now that he's so big. but yeah.

I am officially old.

I have varicose veins in my left leg. Y'know. The one that swelled the worst during my last pregnancy.

Not that I fully understand why, but that made me feel about 15 years older than I really am.

*sigh*

Meet my new best friend

Why yes, that is an extendable bamboo-esque back scratcher made in china. I don't know how long it's been kicking around the house, but in my current post-sunburn peeling itchy stage, it is wonderful and not usually far from my grasp.

No more begging DH and DD to help with such instructions as: "just a little lower. To your left. NO, your other left."

Ahhhhhhhhhh.

Friday Fave Five!

1. The baby. Man, he is just cute and fun and generally well behaved. *most* of the time, he makes me want more kids, too. Only sometimes is that not the case. lol. He was just doing some really cute stuff today that would take a long time to explain and then ... well ... it wouldn't be so cute to any of you.

2. Kiddo is out of school for the summer and dealing with the fact that daddy and I aren't on vacation too. She wants to stay in her PJs all day and not get dressed unless we're going somewhere. Which is okay by me (since I feel the same way, lol), but not with Dad. ANYWAY. She's been playing so cute with the baby recently (most of the time), and just having a lot of fun being a sister and helping me out a lot without complaining (usually).

I sure love my kids. On one of the forums to which I belong, one of the gals there was saying how she didn't like her kids so much and hated that about herself and wanted to change it. I feel blessed that I love them and like them (most of the time) and can be silly with them and stuff.

3. Something I made and posted for a charity auction today got some bids on it. This and the random mom at church asking me to make a couple of cloth diapers for her baby both made me happy that someone wants something I made. lol.

4. The beat in "Single Ladies." Not so sure about the lyrics, or the video (even though those gals can DANCE!), but I LOVE the beat and music -- very catchy.

5. Aloe.Vera. My sunburn from swimming on Tuesday is doing better. (and I bought more sunscreen and aloe vera today, yay!)

Joe Jonas dancing in heels

Wonder why they thought this was a good idea. Except it's funny. And he doesn't look too miserable.

A 10-month-old's possessiveness

Baby Mojo LOVES his sister. And his daddy. But especially loves his mommy. Well, we were all kicking back on the bed watching baseball on TV (because the *baby* loves sports, not because any of the rest of us watch any sports! lol). Daddy was holding Mojo. Kiddo was at a 90-degree angle to me, holding my hand and cuddling me a bit. Mojo looked over, saw kiddo holding onto me, yelled, "MY MAMA!" and crawled over to us, saying mama the whole way. He then proceeded to shove his way in between the two of us, removing her hand from mine.

The force is strong with this one...