Happy Anniversary to We

It's our anniversary. I found roses on my chair after I pumped and fed the baby this morning. I got all teary, and hubby said, "If I could afford it, I'd buy you roses every day." Then I read the card ... all about how loving I am to him and how wonderful I am ... awwwww ... he's so mushy. I love it. hehe

We're going to try and catch a movie later, maybe dinner. But all of us are going, and I'm fine with that. Kiddo was there at the wedding after all ...

Reflux

MoJo has reflux, which is why he's been screaming at me for a few days. It's been building up apparently. *sigh* I'm worn out, hubby is worn out, baby is worn out, but kiddo somehow sleeps through it all. *jealous* lol

The good news is I found some dark chocolate without butter/milk in the ingredients list. It says it might contain traces of milk, but at this point, I NEED IT. lol It's really dark though and fairly bitter. *sigh* Owell.

Um, oh yeah. He weighs 9 pounds 2 ounces today, which is a gain of 22 ounces in 23 days. Not quite as fast as doc would like, but acceptable. Maybe if he can start keeping down his food (since doc gave us a rx for prevacid to help with the reflux and acid), he'll gain faster. maybe.

Just stuff from Mojo

After I spent the morning screaming at mom off and on from about 4 a.m., I finally fell asleep in my car seat when we took Sissie to school. I stayed asleep in the car seat (which mom brought upstairs) for a couple of hours, so she changed the dishwasher, made breakfast, and worked for a while.
Dad says it's a good thing I'm cute or I'd be in trouble for treating mom that way.

A random game!

Go to www. urbandictionary. com and type in your answer to each question in the search box, then write the FIRST definition it gives you...


(NOTE: The following definitions do not necessarily reflect the beliefs/attitudes of the blogger (aside from 1,2,3,4 ...)

1) Your name? Esther

the most beautiful, artistic, kind, loving, drunk mongolian princess in the land


2) Your Gender? Female

Most definately the finest thing ever created

3) One of your friends? Steph

another word for something so incredily beautiful it makes ur heart skip a beat.


4) What should you be doing? working

A term to describe the tedious and boring indentured servitude that most people are forced to endure to get money. Generally, not a pleasant experience.


5) Favorite color? Teal

Adj. A Green-like hue. Mix between Light blue and green. Designed specifically as die for automotive paint used on Chevrolet Cavaliers from 1988-1996. Also a popular tint for material used in the manufacturing of fanny-packs. Later popularized by the Philadelphia Eagles, whose primary fanbase consists of Cavelier driving fanny-pack wearers.

6) Where were you born? Provo

1. Militant member of the I.R.A. Irish Republican Army

2. A city in Utah that's about 90 percent Mormon (contrary to popular belief, not *all* cities in Utah are 90+ percent Mormon). Home to Brigham Young University.
I got lost in Provo, Utah a while ago.

At least Mormons are nice people and helped me find my way out.

(a link i find hilarious at the top of this definition was "dry humping".)


7) Month you were born? April

derived from a month, used by parents who lacked creativity at the time of their daughters arrival

8) Last person you talked to/texted on the phone? a receptionist

answer phone, sign for packages, sit and do practically nothing all day..get bitched at by over caffinated [sic] people on the other end of the phone

[edit]

telemarketer called as i was filling this out

A heartless cretin making minimum wage whose job involves calling prospective clients to sell them goods or services they don't want, can't afford and have no use for. They tend to target the elderly and the very young, as these two are the most vulnerable to their [BS] sales pitches, and usually call to annoy you around dinner time as that is when you are most likely to be around. These miserable parasites are as moral as an Islamic terrorist on PCP and are the social equivalent of a tiny insect feasting on [censored]

9) Your pets name? Cocoa

The best drink ever.
Like heated chocolate milk, but with more love.

10) Your last name? Is not defined yet. Are we surprised?

We went to church!

Seriously. All four of us.

Color me shocked.

Hubby hasn't been for a year? I haven't been regularly for quite some time. First I was sick with the baby, then I kept getting migraines, and then I ended up on bedrest. I'm feeling much better now that he's OUT. lol. Kiddo goes randomly, but we've all been less active for a while.

I took kiddo on her birthday 3 weeks ago because she really wanted to go, but I left her there with the primary pres who brought her home. Hubby has been saying for weeks/months he needs to get his butt in gear and do the right things. Not that he's doing wrong things necessarily, just not doing the right ones. So after I had the most horriblest nightmare the other night about me being married to someone else and being completely miserable, he decided he really had to go. So we all went. He took care of the baby during sacrament and sunday school except for the time I took the baby into the mother's lounge to nurse him (seriously, 2 rocking chairs for wards this big with each ward having between 18-30 new babies and/or pregnant women? HELLO!). Then he went home and shoved stuff into other rooms so there was room for the home teachers to come in the house. And he stayed awake and visited them. Wild.

Kiddo was so excited to be at church and stay the whole time, AND to get to go home wtih me. lol

Our ward has been split 3 or 4 times since we moved here 3+ years ago, so people who haven't seen me in forever (remember, I was on modified bed rest for the last couple months of the pregnancy) were wondering whose baby it was, or if they assumed it was mine, they wondered how that had happened without them knowing. lol.

As for me, it felt really good to be there, even if I missed the bishop's talk because we were gabbing in the mother's lounge. Oy. It was nice. I've missed it. I just hope we all *keep* going. Baby needs to be blessed sometime soon, dear ... No pressure though. Except there is some since my folks are coming again in February and I'd like for the baby to be blessed before that or during their visit ... lol

Woooooooo!!!!

When I first started my new job, there were a few doctors whose dictations made me want to cry (and I did sometimes). But from past experience, I knew eventually they'd get easier and I could make samples and save them for when I needed help with something. Well. It's been a few months since I started (I started at the very end of February) and after my maternity leave, they've been giving me fits again. But I pulled up those samples on one of them yesterday, filled in the spots I couldn't understand, and sent it on. I got an email today from QA saying I'd done a great job with the report. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I heart my new employers. :)

OH. And the baby. He's 5 weeks old today. :)

the most handsome man in the world ...

holding the cutest newborn ... I finally got all the camera stuff working. this was taken just after mojo was born.

random updates

After Mojo got out of the hospickle the second time, he was sleeping fine in his bassinet by himself ... until I passed out while nursing him one night. After that, he didn't want the stinky bassinet anymore. lol. Well. This morning, he was being a booger about eating well, so I ended up nursing and giving formula, and then he was fine. Put him in his bassinet, turned off his light, and left his room. He laid in there for quite a while, just looking around and scooting (he turns himself in circles). After an hour or so (with me checking every 10 minutes), he fell asleep. SCORE!!! He slept for about 2 hours before he got up to eat again.

Well. While he was sleeping, since work was slow coming in today, I cleaned the kitchen (a major feat once again), put stuff away, changed the laundry, showered, got dressed (even wearing a bra!!! lol), put on MAKEUP, and even ate breakfast. And I worked a bit but that was slow (as I mentioned). My line counts have been up though this week, and I'll have plenty to do this afternoon.

I put the stroller together yesterday and took Munchkin to activity days, going to walk to Auntie Voodoo's in a minute. I'm feeling almost back to normal. Squeeee!

Munchkin got up and showered and wanted to kiss on her brother, but I wanted him to sleep as long as he could, so she just kissed him in the car when she got out at school. She got to brag on her brother at school yesterday and showed him off at activity days in the afternoon, so she's happy about that too. And she *loves* school this year so far.

Hubby seems to be doing better as well -- the CPAP is really helping him not hurt and not swell up, and his moods are better controlled. He started the Lamictal again, too. The hope is that with the CPAP he won't need as high of a dose as he was on before so hopefully he won't have the side effects he was having.

Small Fry called late last week. She started playing the same online videogame her dad and I play. Mock me if you wish, but we can now actually keep in touch with Small Fry through the game (we can chat live or send emails or whatever) ... which is awesome. Hopefully it continues, but her mom is a gamer, too, so I think she'll keep up the account (they share it). She's doing okay and sounds really good when we talk to her on the phone or online.

Mojo is calling, I have to go potty, and it's time to go for our walk!

It's nice to have a living alarm clock ... I guess

Mojo has been waking up and staying up around 4 a.m., even after getting a clean diaper and a full tummy, which means I'm up too. Which is good because I'm supposed to be working and can't just smack the alarm and roll over and go back to sleep ... like I did a lot when I was pregnant.

It's also good because he fusses too much in the evening for me to have my former schedule of working until midnight, so I end up in bed much earlier usually.

So, after the dipe and the feeding, he sits in his swing for a little bit, then I tie him on me and we snuggle until he's ready to eat again.

Knowing I only have about 90 minutes between the end of one feeding and the beginning of the next means I've been more focused on work, too. Which is awesome -- I'm getting more work done in less time ... except when I get dictators who don't do that great of a job talking on the phone. I sure hope they're better than that when talking to their patients.

The only drawback I can see is that he seems to be starting to think as long as I'm awake, he should be too ... so he's not getting quite enough sleep and he's fussing a bit when I'm supposed to be working. *sigh* Good thing I changed companies during the pregnancy because the folks at my new place are soooo understanding, and my old boss was soooo not.

Please forgive me ...

Dear Lord,

Please forgive all the bad thoughts I had about Munchkin's bus driver last year, all the names I called him in my head, and all the times I wished he would just retire. He turned out not to be so bad after all when Munchkin got on his bus yesterday after they'd changed routes but we didn't know he was no longer her bus driver. He drove her home after his route when she was scared and I was worrying.

Please let me remember this lesson in the future.

Sincerely,

Stewie

How weird

The thing I cursed the first year of our marriage (WoW) is now letting us keep in contact with hubby's daughter which is awesome, and I'm glad hubby is getting to talk to her ... and at the same time I'm annoyed/jealous/upset because I'm feeling isolated and lonely and need time with hubby, but he's online with her.

Ohhh, the irony ...

EDIT: He did get off the game a little while later and came to be with me. awww.

Friday Fave Five!

After the services yesterday (which were quite lovely, actually), we went to lunch at Golden Corral. Hard to find things to eat without milk, but I hope I managed (although I think I got something because of Mojo's icky messy diaper last night). Came home and made peanut butter bars (with almond milk in the frosting instead of regular). Then I went to Mel's house for a girls' night last night. Took Kiddo and Mojo and we had fun. Kiddo is all excited to have a new friend or two (Mel's oldest is a year older than her, and her second is a year younger) who also play WoW (yep, they jabbered about that for a while). And we got to look at pretty jewelry from lia sophia (which I didn't know was happening, but hey, it's all good -- and Mel, I didn't bring a catalog home but had meant to so I could show something to hubby for me for Christmas but wouldn't be able to buy it yet anyway, so if you're doing another show before then like I think I heard you say, lemme know).

Anyway.

Fave five from this week.

1. The Gospel and the knowledge and comfort we have of families being together forever. We'll see little Joshua Gordon again someday, and as the bishop pointed out, his exaltation is sure, so all he has to do is find a wife "and hey, he might already be dating someone from the Renaissance era or something." lol.
2. The company I work for. LOVE them. They have been so great this week.
3. Wearing my baby. I have 3 slings/wraps to wear him in, and depending on his mood, I can wear him while I'm working or doing dishes, and yes, have even cooked with him in one (the thick duck canvas one, so he's protected). Love wearing him in a wrap when we go to restaurants and stores; no one can touch him. lol
4. My husband. I dunno, I just love the guy. Even with a week like we've had where we had a bad fight one day and have been lovey dovey the rest of the week, I know he lurves me and I lurve him right back. He even kissed my chappy lips last night. hehe. I burned my lips with something that had been contaminated by the product that had burned them *last* week, so he told me to throw out all the lip products I have and buy all new ones. I don't think he knows how much that would really cost ... but I won't be throwing out or replacing the lipsticks anyway as I rarely wear them these days. Just the glosses and balms.
5. My family and extended family. It was great to see all we saw, even under the circumstances, and it was so easy to feel the love we all have for each other.

My baby blues/postpartum depression have lessened a lot, so I'm feeling a lot better today. I have to get to work though -- hoping to work two hours before baby wakes up to eat, and then we have to get to the school for kiddo's open house so she can meet her new teacher. *mwah*

Brother's baby actually wasn't born until today, and he died as he was being delivered. Hubby was there, as they had asked him to go help give the baby a Priesthood blessing (church-related stuff), then he came home and cried and told me about him, and told me I needed to go and that he'd watch Mojo. I'm so glad I left the baby home -- SIL is doing okay until she hears a baby cry. Oy.

I don't know what all was wrong internally besides his heart being apparently too weak to sustain life, but his hands and feet were basically on upside down, and the back of his head was a bit misshapen, and he had a huge cyst on his spinal column.

The hospital dressed him in a beautiful gown and tiny little hat, and they had someone come in and take moulds of his hands and feet for casts of them. They were so great with my SIL and bro and their 3 living children -- took lots of pictures, made sure everyone got to hold him who wanted to, let them have lots of time with him. It was great; well, as great as something like that can be.

The service is tomorrow at the cemetery.

The best sound in the world after leaving the hospital was when I called hubby and Mojo was screaming his head off. So, I came home and held and fed my sweet baby and cried and cried, then we went shopping (trying to find a rocking chair), came home, and he and I had a nap.

Guess who woke me up? Small Fry. She called. Her gramma had called before we had the baby, asking for our address and telling us Small Fry wanted to write to her dad since she's afraid of him (what??), so we decided just to let her call or write when she was ready to. We got a letter yesterday saying her mom gave up the cell phone to get a place to live and to please forgive *Small Fry* for not calling because they have no phone. Honestly, the mind games that woman plays with her ... She's a kid; she doesn't need forgiveness for something out of her control. My stars. Anyway. She was calling from the daycare. We had a good conversation, told her that her brother was born, told her we'd send pictures as soon as we can, etc. She was really excited about it and asked some questions and made sure she talked to all of us and told us she loved us, each individually. It was a really good call. She seems like she's doing well and is happy, just worried we'd hate her over the phone thing. Gah.

My folks also called; they're back for the service. Hubby told me they were welcome to come see us any time they were here and to invite them because he realizes they need to be able to visit. My dad sounded really excited when I invited him over, and mom did too. Hubby tried to stay awake to see them, but he had a horrible dream earlier that the CPAP mask was digging into his head, and when he woke up, he'd put it on too tight and had grooves in his forehead. lol. so he didn't sleep long earlier and needed some rest before work, and they're not here yet, so he's in bed.

All in all, I'm feeling way better now than I have in days/weeks, the PPD is easing up (thankfully), and ... well ... we're all okay. So yay.

There's the update.

I'd rather ...

I'd rather ...
... be kept up half the night by my crying baby
... change a zillion wet diapers only to be followed immediately by the baby pooping in the brand-new clean diaper
... be able to nurse the baby and supplement with formula when we have to, no matter how much I hate doing the formula
... hold him in my arms 24/7, including trips to the bathroom, because he just can't bear to be away from mommy, and mommy can't bear to be away from him right now
... fight with my husband over stupid things
... hug my family and say a prayer for help with money, health, and emotional problems
... argue with kiddo about her chores
... owe the hospital a bunch of money for the delivery and baby's readmission
... struggle getting back to work because kiddo, baby, and hubby all need attention right now

I'd rather do all of this and have them here ... than not at all.


*****

I know I was pretty vague the other day about "bad news." We're all just in shock over what's going on, my sister-in-law more so than anyone. My brother and his wife are going to have their baby today, give him a name and a blessing while he's still breathing, and bury him later in the week. His heart weakened so much this last week, he's not going to live much longer in or out of the womb, so this is what they decided to do, and I don't blame them at all. They had a miscarriage earlier this year, so this is the second child they've lost in just a few months.

Hubby said it's going to be really hard to say hi, only to say goodbye. He's been sleeping ever since that conversation, during which I had an epiphany: If I were still pregnant while all of this is going on with their baby, I would be a complete and total basket case (and so would hubby). I think Mojo decided to be born early so we'd have him here and he'd be okay by the time all of this came about.

Like I said. I'd rather be struggling with everything we're dealing with ... than not.

Friday Fave Five

I've been pretty depressed this week with baby blues/postpartum depression, down about my weight and looks, depressed about our finances, depressed about our house not selling and the baby's room not quite being ready, etc., but was feeling better today until my brother called with extremely bad news about the baby his wife is carrying. And now I just want to cry more. So this is kind of a downer post, and more of a gratitude thing than a "faves".

I'm grateful my baby is healthy, even though he decided to come so early. I'm grateful I have him in my arms while he's sleeping, that he can nurse, that he screams at me when he's frustrated, that he pukes and poops and pees everywhere (he's done all 3 on me at some point this week), that we get to clean that up and do laundry and take care of him. I'm grateful my husband and I were married in the temple and that he does have the desire to be active, that if (heaven forbid) something else had been wrong with Mojo and he hadn't made it, that he still would be sealed to us. I'm grateful for a supportive and loving family, especially my mom and DisGrace, who are there for the good things as well as the bad, and for in-laws who are respectful and do their best to help, even with a language and culture barrier. I'm grateful for my sweet husband whose main concern these days is MY health and making sure I'm okay emotionally and mentally. And his secondary concern is his own health. I'm grateful for the doctors and nurses who took care of us both times we were in the hospital, essentially saving Mojo's life the second time. I'm grateful for my ward family, the respect they showed in not asking to hold the baby or really see him as they do know he has had some problems. I'm grateful for the prayers offered on our behalf by our family, friends, ward, and our realtor, whose nephew was born early and has even more severe problems than our baby (although his were able to be remedied with surgery). I'm grateful for an extended family who has shown love and support and understood why I didn't attend Gramma's funeral. I'm grateful Steph came down this week and that she's still my friend even though the Boy doesn't like me (with good reason, I might add). I'm grateful Mojo is off the oxygen and catheter feeds and is doing well and healthy. Most of all, I'm grateful for the Savior and His Gospel and the love He has for each of us.

Dinner time. Hug your loved ones today, okay?

celebrate good times, come on!

Okay, for future reference, if I preface a post with NAK, it means I'm nursing at the keyboard (or maybe just holding the baby), so ignore typos and lack of punctuation or capitalization.

NAK

first things first (only because this happened first today), Bug is officially back to his birth weight as of today, and no longer needs oxygen. These are both great things. The first means he's getting almost enough milk from me since he's not taking catheter feeds every day even (although he did take two last night), and the second means his blood is getting oxygen now all the time, even in the car seat. WAHOO! I don't have to lug a stupid oxygen tank with me everywhere I take him! We're very excited about both things.

Secondly, we had Kiddo's birthday party tonight. Swimming at the clubhouse, presents, cake and ice cream, and a movie in the clubhouse until it was over. Steph came and held the baby after Daddy called me all panicked because he was screaming at home without me. Daddy came to the party after that too, which was great. Kiddo's friend from school came, as did all of her local cousins and aunts and uncles (except hubby's brothers, which is okay), and grandpa and gramma (daddy's folks). she got a bunch of crafting stuff and money and candy and a sleeping pad which is purple and matches the Hannah Montana acoustic guitar daddy and I gave her. The kids were all pretty well behaved, so that was nice. Mojo did try to nurse (grandpa ran as soon as he realized I was going to try to feed him, even though I used a blanket over us), but hates blankets on his head, so he had to wait until we got home. Then Steph watched Mojo while I ran back to the clubhouse for a couple of things we'd left and picked up the mail. Mojo officially has a Social Security Number -- which was really really fast! He's not even 3 weeks old yet. Go SS! lol. Hopefully we get confirmation soon that he's on our insurance too ... that would really be awesome. don't wanna pay the $6k in hospital bills he's already racked up, please ...

okay, it's time to wake up hubby for work. hugs and confetti all around.

Penelope

This might just be my new favorite fairytale/romantic comedy, no matter how weird the premise of someone being cursed with a pig nose may be. Why did I lurve it? Reese Witherspoon plays a hilarious second, Christina Ricci was awesome as the title character, and Mr. Tumnus ... er, James McAvoy was an awesome Max ... and the kiss was so sweet/hot ... awesome.

Anyway. I give it two thumbs up, and we let Munchkin watch it too. She loved it as well, and hubby was entertained, too.

Other movies I've rather enjoyed lately (old or new): Wall-E, Kung Fu Panda, Stranger Than Fiction, A Knight's Tale, and more, but Bug (mojo) just called me ... so ... i guess i'm done for now.